So many athletes are accepting the ALS ‘Ice Bucket Challenge’

You might have seen all the Ice Bucket Challenges already. Hopefully, you’ve already donated to the ALS Association. Perhaps you are fatigued from watching celebrity after celebrity get hit with buckets of ice, your awareness of a terrible, crippling disease having already been raised.

That said, we are deeply, deeply, deeply satisfied watching the typically staid, stuck-up Jim Nantz get ice dumped on him, especially because he is perhaps the first person to do it while wearing a full business suit:

New variation of the Ice Bucket Challenge: Smack your wife in the head with the bucket.

Nooooope. Nope nope nope. This won’t work, Kobe Bryant. I know you need to rehab your muscles in an ice bath every day. I know you’re trying to be clever.

But the whole idea of this vapid exercise that so many are doing without actually donating to ALS research is that your whole body gets a sudden surge of freezing water in half a second. Putting your legs in a cold tub allows your body to get used to the temperature. I’m not fooled by your attempt to pretend like you’re cold.

Cristiano Ronaldo was repeatedly nominated for the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, most notably by former Manchester United teammate Darren Fletcher, and he came through. He stripped, sat in a chair and let some fellow Real Madrid players pour ice water over him.

Let’s go through the steps of the Ice Bucket Challenge:

The beauty of the Ice Bucket Challenge -- after the fact that it might drive people to donate money for ALS support -- is that everyone builds off the same fundamental parts. Get a bucket with some ice and/or water, get it dumped on your head, and nominate some people. Those are the basics. Every other aspect of it is your creation and, perhaps, reveals something about your character. This leads to variety. For example, here is Kliff Kingsbury doing the Challenge with his Texas Tech football team:

Here we have a lengthy, well-produced, watermarked video featuring a prolonged introduction from a handsome narrator who removes his shirt to reveal a Texas Tech-branded “Beyoncé is BAE” shirt underneath while “Drunk In Love” plays and a costumed mascot attacks him with a bucket of water, then signals for about a hundred excited people to all dump ice water on each other until a person on a cherry picker wielding a giant hose joins in the fun.

Jim Harbaugh is not a human being. He is a robot. I have proof, from footage of the 49ers’ Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS support on Friday (via Niners Nation):

Water is cold and wet. These qualities cause sensations. Sensations cause feelings, which cause reactions. A human shuts his eyes, winces, maybe even runs away. Harbaugh bats his eyelashes for a fraction of a second, but keeps his lids open for the duration of the actual splash. Not only does he keep his smile wide, he actually engages the “open” function mid-pour to affect “EXPRESSION > DELIGHTED.” We must not tolerate this.

A few things about this:

1. We’re not here to show you every instance in which an athlete does the Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS support, but six members of USA basketball in a single ice water dump is a pretty solid haul for one video.

The ESPN Monday Night Football crew decided to take on the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, but it turns out Cris Carter is going to need to work on his form.

It’s a pretty simple concept: Pick up bucket of ice water, pour it on your head. Except Carter somehow manages to miss himself completely and pour it all over Chris Berman. Then he stumbles backwards into his co-host, who needs to push him away. Bravo.

I am on record as a fan of Gary Bettman. He’s legitimately and objectively been very good for the growth and the business of hockey (ignore the lockouts and think about it) ... and better yet, he’s a really good sport when it comes to how much he’s hated. Sure, he’s smarmy as hell, but he has a pretty great sense of humor.

Exhibit A: his Ice Bucket Challenge.

Social media has been overtaken by people -- our friends, our family members, celebrities -- dumping buckets of ice over their head in the name of charity, specifically raising awareness of ALS and cash for research.

And as sometimes happens when people do charitable things, there’s been a rash of cynicism. By dumping water on our heads, what are we actually doing for ALS? How many people who dump ice donate cash? How much of this is just an opportunity for us to laugh and tag our friends on Facebook and look like we care about other people? Is this really charity, or just a superficial attempt to look like we care about people?

OWINGS MILLS, Md. — After practice on Thursday, Jacoby Jones accepted the ALS ice bucket challenge, allowing teammate Torrey Smith to douse him with ice water. Before his bath, Jones called out some people to take the challenge, including Joe Flacco and his Dancing With The Stars partner, ‘goddamn Karina Smirnoff.’

Expletive warning, because sometimes people curse when being assaulted by freezing water.

More and more people are getting in on the Ice Bucket Challenge to raise awareness for ALS. Hockey people, soccer people, even people with access to helicopters. It’s a legitimate phenomenon and it’s for a great cause.

The latest to take the plunge are Bill Belichick, owner Robert Kraft and the New England Patriots, who all went for it in one go:

You’re simply not going to beat Paul Bissonnette’s Ice Bucket Challenge.

Not only did the NHL free agent spend every remaining penny in his bank account climb a mountain, wear a speedo, and get GLACIER WATER dumped on him by a HELICOPTER, he also nominated LeBron James, Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson to take the challenge next. As you’ve no doubt seen on the Internet this week, the Ice Bucket Challenge is being used to raise awareness and money to fight ALS.

The ice bucket challenge has taken over social media, with people around the world dumping buckets of ice over their heads to raise awareness for ALS. Many people who complete the challenge also donate money to an ALS foundation, which is fantastic.

Hooray for charity. Hooray for social media. Hooray for alcohol. Hooray for Robbie Keane. Hooray for being cool enough that you can call Steve Nash and Mickey Rourke friends and challenge them.