‘Monday Night Football’ schedule and results: Texans stun Bengals

This line by J.J. Watt actually cost the Texans the game. They were forced to retroactively forfeit.

He definitely heard that line from his dad two weeks ago and has been saving it for the Texans battle against the Bengals.

Watt was smart not to mention exactly where his injury was to protect the innocent ears of the national ESPN audience. Luckily, we’re not on ESPN right now, so we can be more specific. Watt got smacked in the penis, or perhaps the testicles.

Hope this cleared everything up for you if you were confused by Watt’s statement. He only missed two plays before his genitals stopped hurting and he was able to return.

The Texans and Bengals combined for 15 punts on the night. A Bengals’ offense that ranked third in the NFL in points scored and sixth in yards gained managed just 256 total yards against an inspired Texans’ defense that was playing on the road.

The Texans’ front seven forced the Bengals to play safe for most of the game. Despite a wealth of deep threats, Cincinnati relied on screen passes and horizontal plays to move the ball. The Bengals were relatively successful in the first half, but bogged down in the red zone. In the second half, they simply never got started.

Yates is no stranger to the field for Houston. He appeared in 13 games for the Texans from 2011-13, including five starts during the 2011 season. Yates has struggled mightily on the field, however. For his career, he has passed for 1,164 yards at 6.8 yards per attempt with three touchdowns and seven interceptions.

NFL officials are usually fairly anonymous unless they make a bad call or do something else to get noticed. Unfortunately for James Coleman, plenty of people noticed him during Monday Night Football and it wasn’t from a bad call.

Coleman was just trying to get out of the way quickly so the Texans could run their play. He tried to move a little too quickly, however, and instead had to watch the play from his backside. At least he’s only an official and not a professional athlete like Kelly Olynyk, who also struggles to run backward.

You think you’re an Andy Dalton fan? No, *this* is an Andy Dalton fan.

If you don’t love Andy Dalton enough to dye your head orange, then you don’t love Andy Dalton as much as this kid does.

You can say what you want about J.J. Watt, but the man knows how to put a smile on the faces of his fans.

Playing catch with some fans before a game doesn’t take a ton of time. It can make a lasting impression, though. Obviously tossing your gloves to a kid gives them something to brag about for weeks too.