You do this every year. You don’t want to fill out a bracket, not really. But you also don’t want to miss out on this fun thing that the entire office is going to obsess about for the next three weeks. Plus you enjoy the rush of gambling.
The Procrastinator’s Bracket: how to make your picks if you’d rather do it tomorrow
You don’t know anything. You don’t have enough time to learn. You can do this. (You cannot do this at all.)
So you gotta study. Anything worth doing is worth doing well, right? You click on bracketologists’ breakdowns. You go to bad websites with videos that autoplay on every page.
You start reading the articles. Who are these players? Where are these schools? Okay, just leave those tabs open. You’ll get to them later.
You’ll read it all tonight after work. Okay, after you watch TV. Nah, tomorrow morning. You want to see who wins the First Four before making all the decisions. Whatever, there’s still another couple hours until the games.
Shit, no time to read all that. Who has that kind of time? Those people don’t know anything anyway. Always overthinking stuff.
Just fill out the easy stuff first. Kentucky, baby. Kentucky’s the clear choice. You can’t win the pool if you don’t pick the champion. Dammit, but if Kentucky wins, then someone who actually knows college basketball will beat you by picking more early-round games correctly. Whatever, man. Kentucky. Play the odds.
Duke will lose, but not early enough. You’ll pick Georgetown to flame out in the first weekend, thus guaranteeing that this is the year they make it back to the Sweet 16. Your picks will be chalky enough to give you a shred of hope going into the second weekend, but c’mon. You know how this dance ends, and it’s not with more money in your bank account.
Next year, man. Next year you’re gonna watch a ton of college hoops and this’ll be easy.
You tell yourself this. You know it isn’t true.
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