‘Russell Madness’ is the greatest movie featuring a wrestling dog and a monkey manager

Unless you have kids or a penchant for animal sports movies you probably didn’t know that Air Bud is still a thing. The late-‘90s movie about a basketball-playing golden retriever spawned a ton of sequels and now its own production house. The latest movie is Russell Madness, and it’s about a wrestling Jack Russell terrier that has a monkey manager who may or may not be inhabited by the spirit of a family’s dead grandfather.

Let’s go back a bit here.

The Ferraro family inherits an old wrestling arena in Portland and moves from San Diego to take claim of it. Their grandfather had one caveat: they need to turn a profit for one year, and if they do, they can sell the derelict building. Initially they plan to flip the place, but life takes an unexpected turn.

Meet Russell the Jack Russell terrier. He’s named Russell because the pet store people are lazy. He never gets bought because he pees on kids ... seriously.

Also, at night they turn off the lights and leave him in this glass box without food or water, making it the worst pet store in the history of existence.

Russell escapes, sleeps in an alley, gets a free sausage and runs to the ring because he’s being chased for his sausage by a bulldog. Then this happens:

Russell might have killed this dude. We don’t know, because “Big Vic” is never seen again.

Hunk, the talking monkey who was Grandfather Ferraro’s pet/partner, brokers a contract to represent Russell after this fight. The whole business deal is strange, largely because it involves a dog and monkey and also Hunk is ripping off Russell by demanding he’s paid in bananas -- which are no good to a dog.

Hunk the talking monkey rides a segway during an egg-drinking montage.

John Ratzenberger from Cheers plays a nasty Vince McMahon-esque character and Fred Willard is a dog wrestling commentator. None of it makes sense and all of it does. At one point the dad, Hunk and Russell go on the road for a wrestling tour. Upon arrival the monkey tells dad, “Remember, what happens on the road stays on the road.” Which suggests they got up to some serious shit.

Dad returns home after a meet and greet to find Hunk the talking monkey eating his anniversary dinner with his wife.

This all happens in the first 45 minutes of the movie. It’s just moment after moment of jaw-dropping, mouth-agape wonder. At this point we won’t spoil the shock ending, so instead here are some great moments.

You are beyond hope if this hasn’t convinced you to watch Russell Madness. It’s on Netflix now. Just watch it already.