Earlier this week, Jaguars quarterback Blake Bortles said Jacksonville’s Color Rush uniforms, which they wore on Thursday Night Football against the Tennessee Titans, are “ugly as hell.” They are, and they actually remind us of a number of things.
The Jaguars-Titans ‘Color Rush’ uniforms look like a bunch of stuff, none of it good
These uniforms are all bad.
Jeanna Kelley has been covering the Falcons for The Falcoholic since 2011 and the NFL for SB Nation since 2015.
Many of those things are not good, like urine or dog vomit or the color scheme of everyone’s kitchen during the 1970s.
The Jaguars also look like jars of mustard, and that’s almost certainly not the aesthetic Nike was going for when the Color Rush uniforms were designed.
The Jags’ uniforms are exactly the same color as Sandshrew. Sandshrew is a Pokémon that spends most of its time underground and emerges only to hunt. Coincidentally, we wish these Jaguars’ Color Rush uniforms would spend most of the time underground.
It’s possible that the Jaguars are trying to emulate Dolores O’Riordan, the lead singer of the 1990s group the Cranberries, from the video for their hit single “Zombie.”
The Titans, on the other hand, look like a bunch of Dr. Manhattans on the field. Dr. Manhattan, if you’re unfamiliar, is the godlike character from The Watchmen. The main difference between Dr. Manhattan and the Titans is that Dr. Manhattan is incredibly powerful and the Titans are currently 3-4, which suggests they aren’t.
Remember on Arrested Development when Tobias blue himself in an effort to join the Blue Man Group? Yeah, that reminds us of the Titans’ Color Rush uniforms.
With both of these teams on the field at the same time, it feels like we’re watching an epic battle between the Smurfs and Gargamel’s cat, Azrael.
The Smurfs always outsmarted Gargamel and Azrael, and the Titans have a 16-0 lead over the Jaguars in the second quarter, so this one seems to fit.
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