Rob Gronkowski is an adolescent in a menacing body. He is the perfect pass catching NFL tight end, with nearly 400 receptions and 6,000 yards in his career. He obliterates defenders on a weekly basis. He also actively tries to get his teammates laid, chugs fireball, and has been documented several times unironically giggling at the number “69,” which is a reference to a sex thing. He chartered his own dang party cruise.
Rob Gronkowski scored his 69th career touchdown. Nice.
Congrats to Gronk on this very important day.
Whether you love or hate Gronkowski, at least you know exactly who he is: A big happy-go-lucky kid who will one day grace the halls of Canton and stick out like a grinning, chuckling thumb.
Gronkowski isn’t your usual NFL superstar, and has no time for the usual milestones. There’s just one he cares about. Sunday, we celebrate the capstone of his long illustrious career. Against the Buffalo Bills, Gronkowski caught a 53-yard pass from Tom Brady to score his 69th career touchdown.
First off all: Nice job, bud. Most people are probably happy for you even if the Bills aren’t.
Gronk’s mother was particularly proud of her sweet boy.
Second of all: What is left? Gronkowski won a Super Bowl and was named First Team All-Pro four times before reaching the pinnacle of his career. Sure, he could continue to rack up yards and touchdowns, but an artist can’t go back to painting still lifes after crafting his masterpiece — at least not with the same verve. The NFL and all of us, as fans, may clamor for more Gronk, but Gronk doesn’t need us or the NFL anymore. Every down he plays hence will be a privilege.
If Gronk retired now, it’d be the perfect end to a perfect career. Where he’d go, no one could say — heroes are often nomads. With that extra time, he might find more foes to vanquish, mountains to climb, activities to do that also conveniently involve counting.
And when this mighty man has finally given all he believes he has, after years of adventuring and spiking objects around the world, he might blow the dust off an old laptop, open his browser to Google.com, navigate his pointer to a search box where he types “What does 69 mean?” and hit enter. In that moment, he might be reborn.
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