Jonez on Jonez: Cowboys vs. Patriots is the Super Bowl that America deserves

Dragonfly Jonez is a full time tweeter, a part time podcaster and an aficionado of spicy Popeye’s drumsticks who will be offering NFL commentary this season.

Sometimes events occur that we struggle to make sense of. As it has been ever so eloquently stated countless times: shit happens.

During these times where shit has happened, sports serve as a temporary escape. For the most part, sports are a world of consistency and stability. Even though sports fandom is a self-imposed hell for a lot of us, there is comfort and warmth in the flames there. It’s a safe haven even. We know that no matter how confused and clueless we are about the direction the world around us is careening in, we can count on the Cleveland Browns to do some Cleveland Browns shit and call a timeout before the first snap of the game because they had 12 men on the field.

Sports are reassuring, especially in times of disarray. However, sports are a reflection and a microcosm of our society as well. Sometimes shit doesn’t make sense in our world. Sometimes shit doesn’t make sense on NFL Sunday. America electing a racist, misogynist, soggy suit-wearing, McRib-looking dude as president and Aaron Rodgers only throwing one more touchdown than DeMarco Murray both befuddle us and leave us searching for answers. Shit happens.

We’ll discuss how America elected a KKK-endorsed pickled pig foot to our nation’s highest office later. On to Week 10.

Keeping it on the topic of inexplicable shit, this is a real thing that happened in a professional American tackle football game.

This doesn’t make any sense when you see it written out but once you realize Blake Bortles is the culprit here then it checks out. This is some Jaguars-ass shit if we’ve ever seen some Jaguars-ass shit. Bortles might not ever figure it out. His career arc so far has been, “Wow he’s kind of bad. Wait a minute. This guy might possibly, maybe, be kind of good. Holy shit, never mind. He’s fucking terrible.” It seems like whenever the Jags have any glimmer of hope it gets snuffed out.

No worries though, Jags fans. Your NFL team might be shit but they can’t ever take that iconic rock band that came from Jacksonville from you. Even though most people think they’re from Alabama.

Some things will always remain the same, however.

I’m a Washington fan. The only fan bases I pity are the Browns, Jags, and Jets. If you’re rooting for a team that Redacteds fans look at and think, “There but for the grace of God go I” then it’s time to do some serious self-evaluation.

On to Redacteds news. They kept their streak of handing Sammy “Sleeves” Bradford a L alive in week 10.

And Vernon Davis is partying like it’s 2012.

Meanwhile Philip Rivers is doing Philip Rivers shit and skating because no one gives a shit about the Chargers. If he was drafted by the Eagles, he would’ve been a victim of death by C batteries and frozen cheesesteaks eight years ago.

Dallas pulled out an impressive last second victory in Pittsburgh. Dak set it up and Zeke knocked it down. Those young fellas are a problem. Unfortunately, it looks like Dallas and New England are on a collision course to meet in Houston in February to the dismay of us all. Somebody save us. Please.

At least we can rejoice in one Trump supporter taking a loss this week.

Belichick supporting Trump isn’t that big of a surprise. Belichick putting his name on something so high profile that would in turn elicit him unwanted attention is the shocker here. We’re not surprised that 65-year-old, wealthy, white Belichick shares viewpoints with Trump.

We’re surprised that the notoriously private Belichick decided to share this with the world. Steve Kerr, Gregg Popovich, and Stan Van Gundy took impassioned anti-Trump stances where they spoke not only for themselves, but their locker rooms as well. That’s par for the course for a NBA head coach. Most of us aren’t that shocked that Belichick’s viewpoints align with Trump’s. That’s par for the course for a NFL head coach.

There is a singular culture in both the NBA and MLB that transcends race and upbringing. Kristaps Porzingis grew up sporting cornrows and downloading mixtapes in Latvia. Kevin Love effortlessly pulls off intricate, personalized daps with JR Smith and LeBron James. Latin American MLB players seamlessly assimilate to that league’s sophomoric, frat boy culture (except for Adrian Beltre. Adrian doesn’t play that shit. Adrian will beat your ass).

However, unlike the MLB and NBA, there is a clear duality of cultures in the NFL. There is no cultural homogenization in the NFL. The NFL is oil and water. Offense and defense. Black and white. City and country. Conservative and liberal. A NFL locker room is a place of shared purpose, not of shared ideals.

Trump’s America has existed for a very long time. Trump didn’t create it. Ever the businessman, he tapped into it for his personal gain and monetized it with hats with a hollow slogan embroidered on them. Roger Goodell has been catering to this large, rich, and well-organized demographic years before Trump even considered running for office. Goodell wanted to make the NFL great again long before Trump wanted to make America great again.

Goodell’s war on fun is a blatant agenda of policing players in an attempt to appease and placate the part of NFL’s fan base whose animosity towards the NFL rises when they are reminded that they are watching a sport where they often do not see themselves reflected. The stakes in Trump’s game are infinitely higher, but he and Goodell are both drawing up plays from the same playbook. The objective of both Trump and Goodell’s agendas is to suppress the liberties of people of color in the name of conservative white comfort.

Make no mistake — I am not putting Goodell on equal footing with Trump. Trump has the nuclear codes; Goodell is tasked with making sure a bunch of fat dudes collide as safely as possible.

The quality of the NFL has plummeted to unwatchable depths at the same time that our nation has elected the most unqualified candidate of all time to our nation’s highest office. Trump harnessed the power of hate and used it as the fuel that powered his ascension and 60 million Americans fed this machine of his a shovelful of coal to ensure it reached its final destination. I have never been less enthused about the NFL than I have been this season nor have I ever been more disappointed in my country than I am at this very moment.

The NFL and America deserve each other. The NFL and America are each other.

Until next week, internet friends.