Sepp Blatter claims UEFA rigged draws with refridgerated balls

Sports conspiracy theories are the best, and at the top of the heap is soccer, which does corruption better than anybody. The latest claims come from former FIFA president Sepp Blatter, who says UEFA rigged its Euro draws using a trick straight out of a Disney movie.

How does a multi-billion organization rig soccer: Cold balls.

Blatter claims that he personally witnessed draws at the European level where heated and cooled balls were used to ensure certain teams played each other in prominent tournaments. He explained the process to Argentinian newspaper La Nacion.

“You put the balls in the refrigerator beforehand. Just by comparing one and the other when you touch them you can tell the cold balls from the hot. When you touch them, you know what they are.”

EUFA is adamantly denying Blatter’s claims.

“Allegations that UEFA has in the past fixed draws for its competitions are completely absurd and therefore not worth a reaction.”

Let’s take a step back here and explain what Blatter is talking about. When European soccer draws for tournaments take place every team’s name is placed inside a small replica soccer ball — think of it like a Pokeball. If you don’t know Pokemon then think of it like a clam shell.

These are all placed in a big glass bowl, rattled around and drawn at random. If you chilled the balls including teams like Barcelona and Manchester United, then you could ensure these teams don’t meet in the early rounds — thereby increasing the drama of the tournament.

Blatter says this never happened in FIFA (because of course he would say that) and that “an organization can’t be corrupt. Only men are.” Which, if we believe him (we don’t) then Blatter’s balls were always at room temperature.