Ben McAdoo’s hair is keeping me up at night

Ben McAdoo’s hair is keeping me up at night.

I know you probably think I’m exaggerating when I say that the way the Giants’ coach styles himself distresses me so much that I can’t sleep, but I swear on McAdoo’s diner menu-sized play chart that I am not. Not even a little. I am dead serious. It’s Week 6 of the 2017 NFL season and I’ve been obsessing over McAdoo’s new ‘do for a month and a half now. Just last Wednesday — Wednesday! That’s not even a football day! — I was lying in bed with the lights off, and all I could think as I tried to fall asleep was, “Why is Ben McAdoo’s hair the way it is now?” Then I lay there for a little bit longer before a voice in my head, most likely mine, yelled out, “WHY!?!??!”

I don’t know if that story reflects how lame the things I worry about are or how completely unfathomable McAdoo’s style switch-up is. But for the sake of this blog, let’s go with the latter. However, before we get any further down this strange rabbit hole, I’m going to stop our free fall for a moment so I can show you some pictures, in case you don’t know how Ben McAdoo has changed up his hair.

Here is McAdoo at the beginning of the 2016 NFL season:

AND HERE IS BEN MCADOO AT THE BEGINNING OF THE 2017 SEASON:

He went from looking like a kid on the Bad Guy Team in a 1990s sports movie to looking like the coach.

I’m not trying to be mean. For real. Everyone should be able to do whatever they want with their physical appearance, and if Ben McAdoo thinks that either of these styles has done or is doing him any favors, then that’s great! Self-confidence is key. When you think you look your best, you feel your best.

I just don’t understand what went down. I cannot wrap my head around the thought process it would take McAdoo to go from A to B, because it’s just such a complete 180. I always respected this guy for having a haircut that resembled my third grade crush’s. Partly because yes, it looked great on my third grade crush in 1998 (what’s up, Trevor?), but also because I found it kind of endearing. It wasn’t styled, it wasn’t fussy, it was just, like, what it was. McAdoo clearly didn’t care to follow trends or try to be hip and *~*~with it~*~*. He just rocked his god-given hair, cowlick and all.

But now he’s started using product, and he’s gone from a full-on ‘stache...

...to a sort of stubbly, cool-guy beard. This bums me out just as much as the hair change, because I think all men look better with mustaches.* If I were a dude I would totally have a mustache. Grow more mustaches, guys!!!!

* I am, once again, being completely serious. This is not a joke. This is an opinion I hold. In fact, I don’t ever joke. I have never made a single joke. What’s a joke? I don’t know what jokes are.

McAdoo also doesn’t seem to be wearing his glasses anymore, if my research checks out ...

... and appears to have ditched his big Nike shades ...

... for these Ray Bans:

Oh, wait, I spoke too soon, he has kept the Nikes around to wear on occasion:

I guess what this all comes down to is the sad truth that I just miss McAdoo’s floppy look. And I so badly want to know what happened to make him change it. Did McAdoo’s very persuasive barber recieve a larger-than-usual shipment of hair product and get McAdoo to buy it? Was McAdoo’s wife Toni like, “Hey, hon, let’s switch it up?” Did one of his kids urge him to embrace a Cool Dad vibe? Did he get tired of his bangs bouncing around on his forehead? Was a headband not an option?

I just don’t know. But there is one thing I do know: The Giants have gone 0-5 since their head coach changed up his head style. Now, I’m not superstitious (I’m just a little stitious ;), but at this point, it might be worth reverting back to McAdoo Hair 1.0. Because everyone’s still cracking jokes about how the Giants are 0-6 since they went on that boat, but what if the real ‘sition here is McAdoo’s hair?

Makes you think, doesn’t it? Maybe McAdoo should change it up. Just for one game. Just to see what happens. If he truly cared about his team, he’d be trying everything in his power to stop the season from going further off the rails.