Defensive end William Hayes is now a member of the Miami Dolphins. He was traded there Thursday night in exchange for “a stapler and a coffee machine.”
William Hayes got traded for ‘a stapler and a coffee machine’ and now we have to rethink the NFL draft value chart
If you want an early first, it’s going to cost you a 3D printer.
Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images
Coffee machines are very useful. Staples less so, but it’s important to have those around, too.
In reality, the deal was for a sixth-round pick. The Rams are switching to a 3-4 defense, and Hayes, despite 26.5 sacks in five seasons with the Rams, wasn’t a fit.
A sixth-round pick is better than cutting him outright, at least it is for the Rams. But the sad reality is that the Rams really might have been better off getting the coffee machine and stapler based on their recent draft results.
And now there’s a whole new draft value chart to consider just in time for the 2017 NFL draft. Let’s take a look at the new moneyball creation.
First-round pick, 1-15: 3D printer
First-round pick, 15-32: Color copier
Second-round pick: Terry’s leftovers from that new Italian place, box of ding dongs
Third-round pick: Gel pens, 0.5mm
Fourth-round pick: three-inch rubber band ball
Fifth-round pick: Desktop pool table that the HR person has in their office
Sixth-round pick: Coffee machine, stapler
Seventh-round pick: Bent paper clip that Terry cleaned his ear with
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