The NFL’s performance based bonuses are coming out, and Tony Romo’s earnings are particularly lower than usual. He received just $64.11.
Tony Romo got a $64.11 bonus from the Cowboys, so let’s spend that money for him
We tried to stretch it out some.
Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images
That $64.11 came from one series of playing time. He was 3-of-4 passing on the drive for 29 yards and a touchdown. It was a good, fundamental pass, too:
According to Dan Hanzus of NFL.com, Romo’s $64.11 was the smallest monetary bonus of any player in the league. His successor, Dak Prescott, had the second-biggest performance-based payday at $354,544.57.
A $64 bonus for an NFL player seems comical because we’re so used to seeing contracts that reach heights most of us can never imagine. Since the bonus is so small, let’s determine how he should spend it. We’re also not going to do taxes here.
How Tony Romo should spend his $64.11
- A Houston Texans or Denver Broncos hat for $19.99 from NFLShop.com. He’s going to need representation for one of next teams.
- The book, The $64 Tomato: How One Man Nearly Lost His Sanity, Spent a Fortune, and Endured an Existential Crisis in the Quest for the Perfect Garden for $5.58. Not only is the tomato $64, but the title of the book sounds like what Romo has gone through in Dallas over the years.
- A “People who don’t believe in super heroes just need to meet this quarterback” mug. It’s $17.99 which seems kinda pricey for a mug but it’s a damn good mug.
- Orbit Sweet Mint Sugarfree Chewing gum for 94 cents, because everybody likes the person who has gum they can mooch off of.
- This “Tony Romo for President” shirt for a little confidence boost and ego feeding. At $9.95, that’s a steal!
- Now That’s What I Call Music! Volume 3. It’s just $1.99 from Barnes and Noble, and includes Britney Spears, Enrique Iglesias, K-Ci & Jo-Jo, Lenny Kravitz, and more. It’ll take him back to his college days at Eastern Illinois.
- This 2014 Panini Contenders Touchdown Tandems #1 Tony Romo/Dez Bryant Cowboys football card, you know to remember the good old days. It’s only $2.80!
- A chicken nuggets happy meal from McDonald’s for $3.29. Everyone is debating the different types of chicken tenders on Twitter but you can never go wrong with a happy meal and nuggets.
- Three mall massage chair sessions at 50 cents apiece, because why not.
Tony’s got eight cents left after all of those purchases, so he can throw those in a fountain at the mall or somewhere else and wish he doesn’t end up with the Browns or Jets.
It’s also a safe bet that his bonus will be bigger in 2017 when he’s quarterbacking another NFL franchise.
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