As the resident expert of baseballs hitting baseball players in the beans, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m out of my element here. I know what to expect from a baseball player getting a baseball to the beans. I’m less familiar with the world of tennis.
U.S. Open ball boy takes Venus Williams serve right to the ol’ can and tennis balls
More like right-in-the-balls boy
Here, though, is a ball boy regretting his decision to work the U.S. Open:
Venus Williams can serve a tennis ball at 99 mph, and that’s how fast this ball was reportedly traveling. While I write more about baseball players getting hit in the beans, I have far more life experience getting hit in the beans with a tennis ball. When we played strikeout, we played with a tennis ball because none of us wore helmets or could throw strikes. This was the correct decision, but it still meant that I took a lot of comebackers and errant throws to the beans.
If there’s one thing that sticks with me from these moments, it’s that the tennis balls didn’t feel good.
So I can feel comfortable giving this a BEANS™ Score*, in which a 9 or a 10 requires hospitalization and is inherently not funny. That means an 8 is as high as it can go.
* Ball-Endured Aggravation Numerical Standard
While this one has the appearance of an 8, in that the ball boy crumples like a drunken Jenga man, it did bounce once before reaching him. That shaved some velocity off, and, really, tennis balls aren’t nearly as bad as footballs, basketballs, hockey pucks, soccer balls, curling stones, or, yes, baseballs when it comes to the beans. This must be considered.
I’ll give it a 6.5 based on pure form, though. The ball boy was expecting the tennis ball to be just a little bit higher, but it was actually much lower. Then it hit him right in the beans. It didn’t feel good ...
... but it could have been much worse.
Stan Lee knows what’s up if you need someone to talk to, friend.
