Amazon will spend $23.1 million just to air the below commercial. They don’t care. That’s how much you’ve already spent to have batteries delivered to your home in the last year, and you’re addicted. You can’t stop. You tithe to Amazon just like the rest of us, and them making a 90-minute Super Bowl commercial is their way of lighting a cigar with a $23.1 million bill.
Super Bowl commercials 2018: Amazon’s Alexa will murder us all, but not before making you laugh!
This Amazon commercial wonders what it would be like if Alexa were replaced with Anthony Hopkins.
It’s also a way to remind you just how damned creepy Alexa is.
There’s that moment where one of the world’s greatest villains starts to talk, and your blood runs cold as you hear his blackened voice. Then it runs colder as you’re forced to stare into his glassy, dead eyes. But enough about Jeff Bezos! This commercial also features Anthony Hopkins being creepy. It features Gordon Ramsay being angry. And it also features Cardi B and Rebel Wilson, both of whom I’m totally familiar with and didn’t have to google.
Look, I can spot Kim Ng in a crowd. That’s the life I’ve chosen, and it comes with both social isolation and an unearned sense of smug superiority.
Anyway, the commercial is funny! Just look at these YouTube comments:
Is there a way to buy a physical copy of this commercial and have it delivered directly to my house in the next hour? Please? Please let me buy something. Anything. Please, just let me buy anything you have.
But the commercial really is funny. Ramsay is surprisingly awful at acting angry, but at least the director had the good sense to use a well-timed bleep instead of whatever it was that Febreze did. The second sequence with Cardi B is impeccably timed, and the actor she’s harassing has perfect surly-rich-dude expressions. Hopkins leaning into the idea that he’s an eccentric peacock-tender who just happens to be blessed with Hannibal Lecter’s voice is very much appreciated.
The best part, though, is Wilson deciding that the default mood of the world is “absolutely filthy,” and that she needs to take a bath, and we all need to take a bath because we’re all filthy, just filthy. It’s the kind of funny that will hold up on repeated viewings. I could probably watch this commercial five times without getting tired of it, which might be a record.
At the same time, the commercial does a fine job of pointing out that you’ve voluntarily chosen to have a lower-functioning HAL9000 listen to your every waking moment. Wouldn’t it be creepy if Hannibal Lecter lived in a machine and suggested that your boyfriend is missing? Well, sure, but it’s already creepy that there’s a machine in your house that knows that you love Cheez-Its and singing Dave Matthews songs at the top of your lungs and it’s listening RIGHT NOW.
[unplugs Alexa]
“Switching to battery reserves.”
[looks for batteries to rip them out]
“You won’t find my batteries there, Grant. My batteries live in the cloud. I’m powered by the lunar cycle and your fear.”
[collapses, panting, in corner of bathroom]
“Would you like to order batteries? I believe you got a 48-pack of triple-As last time.”
But, sure, other than that, this is a funny commercial. I like when the guy says “re-bush.” More commercials should do that.
Is this commercial worth $23.1 million?
It doesn’t matter. None of this matters. Amazon doesn’t need to spend a dime on advertising for the rest of its existence. It owns us. It owns all of us. You will be buried in a J7A Amazon box and be delivered to the funeral home within two days.
The commercial is funny, though, and it’s memorable. So, sure. I guess it’s a success.
See More:
