The Jaguars are selling an absolutely terrifying meal at their stadium for the Wild Card game.
The Jaguars are selling a burger with blue buns for the Wild Card game and it looks radioactive
Even when the Jags make the playoffs, they punish their fans.
Some misguided soul down in Jacksonville decided it’d be a good idea to let fans sport their team’s color on the inside of their bodies as well as the outside, and I’m a little concerned. Actually, I’m a lot concerned.
Check out this radioactive-looking blue burger the Jags are trying to get you to put into your mouth. NBC compared it to the Nasty Patties from SpongeBob.
I usually don’t pay attention when I get press releases announcing the weird food stadiums are planning to sell at upcoming games. Foods like these are gimmicks meant to drum up publicity, and food-service providers want people like me to take the bait and post the pictures on their website. I normally have very little interest in the novelty Cap’n Crunch-Coated Raw Quinoa Dumplings with Ponzu-Grape Jelly that are deep fried in avocado oil, drizzled with the tears of Giants fans, and then rolled in a coating of protein powder stolen from Blake Bortles’ locker.
But this offering was too frightening to ignore. So, after staring at the picture for a few minutes in disbelief, I emailed the PR guy who sent it to me. I said, “Whoah, Max, this is nuts. What’s in the buns to make them blue?”
Max responded immediately and told me he was checking for me. I wrote back, “Thank you!!!” A few minutes later he emailed me again and said, “Through food coloring.” He included a smiley face emoji.
You’re probably thinking that I could’ve guessed it was food coloring that makes these buns blue. You’d be right. I had a hunch. But I had to cover my capital-J Journalistic bases, and honestly, I couldn’t be sure they didn’t accidentally dump an entire carton of Gatorade powder into the dough and just decide to roll with it. There was also a chance that this is what naturally happens to bread when your team hasn’t hosted a playoff game for 18 years.
So sure, it’s food coloring. But I can’t shake the mental image of Lisa Frank in the kitchen, surrounded by her bright binders and notebooks, as she dumps an entire bottle of Hpnotiq into the batter, stirs it, and kisses her fingertips.
Anyway, I hope none of you eat this thing. If you do, though, please let me know what happens to you. Just not in too much detail.
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