Where the hell is Lipscomb University?

One of my favorite things about March Madness is that every year there’s a team in the tournament I’ve never heard of before. This year it’s Lipscomb University, which is apparently located in Nashville, Tennessee, and apparently has a pretty good basketball team. It’s original name was Nashville Bible School, but some dude named David Lipscomb somehow got naming rights, so here we are.

I only learned about Lipscomb when I filled out my bracket earlier this week, but they’re my new favorite school. They should be yours, too, if only for the simple reasons that they are the Bisons and their uniforms are absolute fire. If you don’t know what a bison is, it’s basically a buffalo, just slightly cooler. The bison is also the national mammal of the United States, fun fact. And while we’re at it with the bison content, check out how well this — whose shorts are slightly too big — can boogie:

What I also appreciate about this squad is that seem to be aware that no one is aware of them. Here’s what coach Casey Alexander said on Thursday as the Big Dance (as we in the ol’ sports biz like to call it):

“We recognize what this exposure means to the Lipscomb community and so we embrace that. We celebrate it, have some fun with it, but at the same time the game is what we’re here for. It’s been important to keep that in perspective throughout the last couple of weeks; that everything has occurred because we’ve got a game to play Friday afternoon against a really good team.”

“We recognize what this exposure means” is a really great way of saying, “Look, we know that no one knows who we are.” And, “We’ve got a game to play Friday” translates to “We’re pretty sure we’re about to smoke UNC, because can you imagine how incredible that would feel?”

As I write this, the lead keeps fluctuating, but Lipscomb has been holding its own in the first quarter. UNC keeps missing fairly easy layups, and the Bisons (god, that mascot is just so, so good) are playing pretty good offense. In fact, the Bisons (I think I’m a bison now) have been averaging more points per game this season than North Carolina — 82.6 to 82. Sure, that’s only half a point, but still. Counts for something.

I’m proud of my new, large, adult sons for making it this far. I truly hope they upset UNC. I want you to know how big of me it is to say that, because if Lipscomb wins, it would mean absolute disaster for my bracket. And my bracket is the only thing I care about in March. When Arizona lost on Thursday and sent ripple effects through to my Elite Eight, I briefly lost the will to live.

Also, fair warning: One year I’m going to make up a college and hack it into the bracket challenge as a 16 seed. Ten bucks that everyone will just accept that Hail Mary Turnover State is a real school, or that someone’s aunt definitely went to Try Hard University. Or that Sports University totally exists, and is in fact known mostly for it’s neuroscience program. Keep your eyes open, folks. Trust no one.

Go Bisons.