6 winners and 3 losers from ‘The Men Tell All’

Greetings, faithful fans of The Bachelorette! In one week, Becca will make her Forever Love decision between Garrett and Blake. But before we can get to that, it was time for the Men Tell All special, during which Chris Harrison brings back our collection of men from the season and they all yell at each other while wearing crazy clothes.

If you missed the adventures of last week’s Fantasy Suite episode, check out the recap here.

This week, I’m doing things a little differently. Rather than a recap of everything that happened, we’re going to run through the night’s winners and losers. Let’s get to it!

In that one clip, they have 19 shots of people crying (yes, I counted), drinks being thrown in people’s faces, a proposal, a banana boat, and Jordan — wearing a floral vest with no undershirt and matching pants — throwing a hilariously large stuffed bear into the waters off the coast of Mexico.

What is happening here? This cast of characters has been pushing the envelope all season, and Connor has been one of the main offenders. The man apparently hates a traditional collar, instead opting for the loosest of scoop-necks available or whatever it is that we have pictured below. I can’t believe this jacket is a thing that exists.

Then there’s this guy, who we’re told is Christan (he was sent home the first night so I’ll take your word for it, bottom of the screen chyron).

Can we stop with the ever-shortening pants? first, it was the “show your socks when you sit down” look. That moved into the “show your socks when you’re standing up” look. Now we’re apparently into the “LOL, who needs socks when you can show off all this sweet, sweet calf skin” look. Can’t say I’m a fan. Can I blame LeBron’s playoff shorts for this?

ALL OF THE ABOVE BEING SAID ... Wills pushed the envelope with his attire all season, frequently breaking out crazy patterns or romp-hims. Look at that shimmy; you can’t deny he looks amazing as hell.

They earned their paycheck tonight, I’ll tell you that. We even got a couple huge black boxes over middle fingers. What ever happened to just blurring those out?

I cannot think of a single person who had such a short stay on the show getting one-on-one time with Chris Harrison (let alone any screen time) at the Men Tell All. In case you’ve forgotten, Joe Amabile is a grocer from Chicago who didn’t even make it through the first episode.

How could you send this home?

Now, Joe has over 77,000 followers on Instagram and is joining the booze-filled romance romp of this summer’s Bachelor in Paradise. Go figure, man.

Grow up. They bleeped out a belittling and gross dig from Jean Blanc, but everyone got the point. Don’t be a jerk because he’s made different choices regarding his sex life.

She was witty, funny, kind, and looked fabulous. This has to be so awkward, being paraded out in front of a group of men whose hearts you destroyed. Even when Jean Blanc was making her so uncomfortable and giving her a bottle of perfume, she was sweet but not a pushover.

She had a low-turbulence season, drama-wise, so there weren’t a lot of explosive relationships or moments that needed to be addressed that involved her directly. Instead, the men who were dumped said they understood and wished her well, and the ones who were asses apologized for being asses.

Bringing out the gospel choir to apologize for being a complete asshat on television for several weeks is a good move, but sorry. Jordan was the fun villain over the course of the season, bringing levity and amazing quotes week in and week out as he sauntered around the mansion telling people his personality was attached to his face.

Chris, on the other hand, was childish, mean, and exhausting.

That gospel choir itself was fire, though.

There were so many gems. While I don’t think Jordan took one second on that show seriously, he made an otherwise boring season a little entertaining.

See you all next week for the finale!