The NBA fan’s definitive guide to booing

This has been a banner week for booing in the NBA.

First, Lakers fans decided to boo native Angeleno Paul George when he visited with the Thunder, apparently because it was reported in 2017 that PG-13 was set on becoming a Laker in free agency, but then he didn’t even give L.A. a meeting in 2018 after falling in love with Russell Westbrook and Oklahoma City.

Then San Antonio booed the spirit out of Kawhi Leonard and even called him a traitor to his face.

These booing incidents have raised a discussion about when it is acceptable to boo (almost always) and whether booing is the right way to make your displeasure known (absolutely, in most cases). Giving that booing is in vogue, it falls to us impeccable tastemakers of fandom (aka a person who has renounced his fandom in search of greater meaning in life) to pass judgment on the recent moments of booing and any future booing circumstances.

Without further ado, here’s the NBA fan’s guide to booing.

Did they make a trade demand and then get traded to another team, and are now playing back in their old team’s arena for the first time? Yes, boo them all game if you like, considering the following conditions. There is never an imperative to boo a former player, though. It is a choice even when it is acceptable.

Have they already played back in their old team’s arena once, and are now visiting a second or third time? Do not make booing this player a habit. If you booed effectively the first time, you got your point across. You may boo during introductions or upon the player’s first entrance, but continuing to boo all game is overkill.

Did they have good reason to make that trade demand, such as a deep philosophical difference with the organization, a seasons-long playoff drought, or rampant mismanagement? You can boo them, but a civilized fandom would do it only halfheartedly and only doing introductions or the player’s first entrance into the game.

Did they threaten to leave in free agency if not traded? This is effectively a trade demand. Boo them under conditions set forth above, if you like.

What if they made a trade demand or threatened to leave in free agency, but are directly responsible for at least one championship? Nuance is required to balance the positive impact of success and the negative impact of drama surrounding an exit. But booing is still generally okay for the first return visit.

Is it okay to supplement booing with chants of “TRAITOR”? No, almost certainly not. Come on. It’s basketball, not political revolution.

Did the player leave in free agency after fulfilling his contract without any trade demand drama? Don’t boo. That’s ridiculous. There are some caveats.

Did he announce his free agency decision on a live television special? Okay, you can boo him one game.

Did he join the star-studded team that just baaaaarely beat you in the Western Conference Finals a month before free agency began? Boo the ever-loving snot out of him, for one game.

Did they get traded without making a demand? Why in the world would you boo this person? If you are asking whether you should boo a player who got traded away from your team through no effort or intent of his own, you should find a quiet room, close the door, and boo yourself.

Did the player trash the organization on the way out? If he had good reason to trash the organization, do not boo him. If he was grossly unfair, feel free to boo him, for one game.

Is your team loafing and trailing by at least 30 points at the time you want to boo? Yes, boo them, with the following caveat.

Is your team trying hard, but lacks the talent to compete? No, don’t boo them.

Is your team grossly mismanaged, meaning that your true ire is focused on ownership and management, not necessarily the poor saps who have to wear the uniforms? No, don’t boo unless the franchisee or general manager is giving a speech at midcourt, in which case, you should probably boo regardless of the state of the team.

Regardless of any other circumstances, is your team the Wizards? Yes, boo them.

This is important. Are you in the opponents’ arena? You may not boo an opponent in that opponent’s own arena. This is a bad idea on so many levels. Do not boo the home team if you are not a fan of the home team. This rule overrides all others in this guide.

Is the opponent your rival? Yes, boo them.

Is the opponent a villainous NBA character? Boo them. It will make for a more entertaining game.

Did the opponent beat out one of your team’s players for an award in suspicious circumstances? Yes, boo them.

Was the opponent once reported to be “dead set” on joining your team in free agency, causing your team to do recruiting around this player result in a massive tampering fine, only for this player to instead sign a long-term deal somewhere else? This is pretty convoluted, and as such, it’d be pretty ridiculous to boo.

Did the opponent just nail a dagger to destroy your team? Boo them if you want, but know that it will probably only encourage them.

Is it Kevin Durant? Boo him.

Is it Rajon Rondo? Boo him.

Is it Draymond Green? You must boo him.

Is your opponent the Lakers? You are derelict in your duty as a fan of a non-Lakers team if you do not boo. Even if you are a neutral fan attending a road Lakers game, you must boo.

Here is a list of players you should not boo unless extenuating circumstances come into play: Anthony Davis, Damian Lillard, Stephen Curry, Luka Doncic, De’Aaron Fox, Victor Oladipo, Giannis Antetokounmpo, late stage Vince Carter, any Holiday brother. This list is subject to change.

Is it Red Panda and did she drop a bowl? If you boo, you are a traitor and should be banned from all NBA arenas.

Is a baby race or toddler pick-up game happening during a break in action? Don’t boo, you fool.

Is a fan in the opponents’ jersey being shown on the big screen? It is your obligation to boo. That person is begging to receive boos.

Is the commissioner being shown on the big screen? Boo. (Sorry, Adam.)

Is a local politician being shown on the big screen? Follow your heart. Boo if you want.

Is a Wahlberg being shown on the big screen? Yes, boo, of course.

Is it a referee and did the referee blow a call? The circumstances under which you can boo a game official are that the call was very obviously blown and that it was critical to the resolution of the game. Because you must be certain the call was obviously blown before booing, the boos can only occur after a slow-motion replay is shown on the big screen. It must also happen late in the fourth quarter or overtime, unless it’s a playoff or playoff-ish game, in which case, it can happen at any juncture provided the other condition is met.

Is it a recording artist performing before the game or at halftime? It’s best not to boo. Be best.

Is the national anthem being performed? You should probably not boo or yell out “Brad Miller, you suck!” which a visiting Lakers fan absolutely once did at the old ARCO Arena, a moment which forever will live in infamy.

This guide is as comprehensive as possible, but they may come additional moments in which the moral authority and obligation to boo at an NBA game comes into question. Use your best judgment and follow this maxim: what would Philadelphia do?

Do the opposite, and you should be good.