A brief overview of this year’s 30 ‘Bachelor’ contestants, including the ‘most sports’

The biggest time of year is here, and it’s time to get amped: it’s the NFL Playoffs premiere of The Bachelor! Tonight, Peter Weber — better known in the franchise as “Pilot Pete” — takes off on his journey to find his future co-pilot (I refuse to apologize for my aviation puns) among 30 women who are competing for his heart.

Before we get to the most interesting tidbits of the ladies’ cast bios, let’s go over a few things to make sure you’re up to date.

Q: Why is SB Nation, a sports site, covering The Bachelor?

A: Because it’s sports! There’s competition! Drama! Intrigue! Also, if it has a fantasy league, it’s sports.

Q: So who is Pilot Pete?

A: Pete, our titular Bachelor, is a good-looking pilot who made it to the final three in the last season of The Bachelorette before Hannah sent him home. It was a big upset when you consider that she kept Jed, the creep with a guitar and a girlfriend back home.

Q: Why do they keep mentioning windmills?

A: Wooo boy I’m setting the over/under of windmill references on night one at about ... four (that’s a deep cut for the real fans out there). Last season, Pete reportedly rocked Hannah’s world (sex ... they had sex) during their overnight date in a windmill.

That’s it. That’s the joke.

Q: So who are the ladies?

A: GLAD YOU ASKED. You can check out all 30 bios here, but let’s get to some of the highlights before the premiere tonight at 8 p.m. ET on ABC.

Three (THREE!) of the women joining the party are flight attendants, which is super fun and creative because Peter is a Pilot. Do you get it? It’s funny see. They all fly. At least give me a female fighter pilot in there to mix it up or something.

Eunice, Jade and Megan are our trio of flight attendants. My girl Megan is a third-generation flight attendant. She is my pick to either show up in her uniform or make some sort of risqué joke about putting your seat and tray table in their upright positions.

Keep an eye on Jade, who is extremely afraid of heights despite spending her days at 30,000-plus feet.

Five ladies hail from the Lone Star State: Alayah, Avonlea, Deandra, Jasmine and Savannah. I hope they go on a group date and he makes them compete for the crown of “most Texas,” although the actual Miss Texas 2019 (Alayah) is part of this group. I don’t trust her, though, because she says her spirit animal is the “Texas Longhorn.”

Wouldn’t the REAL Miss Texas know his name is Bevo?! Where are you really from, Alayah?

Let’s head straight to the bio:

She shoots! SHE SCORES! That is something Madison is used to hearing. This Alabama cutie not only helped lead her high school basketball team to four state championships, she was also once named state MVP thanks to her unstoppable jump shot. She credits a lot of her success to her dad who coached her and always encouraged her to dream big. While basketball has always been her first love, she knows that it can’t give her everything she needs, and at 23, Madison is more than ready to find her forever.

My first takeaway is The Bachelor needs some sports savvy people on their intern staff, but that’s a battle for another day. Later in her bio it says that she, “would rather rock a cool pair of Jordans than any heel” so you know she’s like the coolest chick ever — amirite?

Maybe I’m just sheltered or uncultured, but I’m not sure what a professional clothier is. Are there levels of clothier that you must attain before being dubbed a “professional” clothier? Google was no help, either:

So, Kelsey professionally deals in clothes? Is this a fancy way of being an Instagram influencer? Previously, she won the title of Miss Iowa in 2017, leading to this gem in her bio: “Coming from the pageant world, Kelsey is an old pro at competing with other women, but don’t get it twisted, she’s not looking for drama.”

This means she 100 percent will have a mortal enemy in the house.

The gorgeous Natasha has the audacity to be — gasp! — 31! This, naturally, will lead to one of the plethora of 23-year-olds calling her old or a cougar. Pilot Peter is reportedly 28 years old, so Natasha is by no means too old for him, but half of the ladies are 25 or younger, including two 22-year-olds.

Natasha wanting to create something called “Disco Yoga” certainly doesn’t help things, but she’s a bad ass party planner in New York City, so I’m a fan.

Whew we’ve got a lot to unpack here:

This is going to be a turbulent season, y’all. Let’s fly.