Common’s 27 NBA All-Star Game introduction rhymes, ranked

A dosage of what? Why is it the three-point range from the lane instead of “From the three-point range TO the lane.” How can you possibly pass off “dosage” and “Jokic” as an actual rhyme? Does Common think the “c” in “Jokic” is silent?

This isn’t as bad as Nikola Djokovic, but it’s pretty close.

This doesn’t even come close to rhyming.

You can tell Common was like, “Man, what the hell am I supposed to say about Domantas Sabonis?”

“Antetokounmpo” may seem like a tough word to rhyme, but the ending provides a lot of possibilities given the creative liberties Common took elsewhere. Why not “He spins people like a tornado?” Or something ending with “Look out below?” Or perhaps a reference to his home nation — something like “His steps are as wide as an archipelago?” I expect better.

Spicy P is way too cool to be described as “rocking” anyone.

“Wait, I gotta introduce the injured player too?”

“You’ll never know what hit you” was sitting right there!

“He’s always all about winning” is an interesting phrase to use for a dude who refuses to shoot outside of five feet.

Look, it’s hard to make Khris Middleton seem cool.

“Young” is such an easy rhyming word that I expected a lot better here.

“Reign” and “James” do not rhyme! I get trying to slip in a reference to monarchy, but “James” is such an easy word to rhyme and Common still couldn’t do it. Why not something like “Washed King, taking names” instead of “We continue to witness his reign.” It flows better and it actually rhymes!

It is indeed Nick Nurse’s first NBA All-Star Game. This is factually correct.

I give Common credit for using the correct pronunciation (Don-CHICH) rather than the Americanized version that’d make rhyming easier (Don-CHICK). Still, how does Doncic keep the defense honest? Is that a reference to his deep shooting?

This one seemed ridiculous when I first heard it, but it’s really damn hard to find a good rhyme for “Adebayo.” If only we could find a way to rhyme his first name instead of his last.

Common had pretty much any adverb at his disposal to use, and he chose ... an adequate one, I suppose. You do associate Lowry’s game with pride, especially given his long history with the Raptors. Still, I would have lost it if Common had managed to sneak in a phrase like “doughy” or “pudgy.”

You wouldn’t immediately associate Davis with being one of this generation’s greatest, at least not before several other all-stars on this list. But at least this actually (kinda) rhymes.

Solid. Would’ve flowed even better if he didn’t have to say “First-time all-star.”

Simple and succinct. Don’t need to overcomplicate these.

This was a bit of a mouthful, but Common stuck the landing with “pressure cooker.” Evocative, an accurate description of Booker’s game, and a perfect rhyme to boot.

The phrasing is a tad weird, because you’d never actually say that anyone ruthlessly drives by someone “with no pardon.” But you need to say something like that to make the rhyme work, and the rest accurately describes the experience of going against The Beard. (Though a cooler version of something like “There’s no way you can guard him” would’ve worked as well).

Bonus points for rhyming a last name with the combination of the second half of one word and a full other one.

Love using French to create an accurate rhyme. Love the defiant tone for someone who is such a towering figure inside. Terrific all around.

This one had it all. Terrific flow, a quality rhyme, and an ideal summation of Westbrook’s two most recognizable traits.

Absolutely brilliant to tie in that famous Timberwolves practice. This rhyme was such a classic NBA Easter Egg that I wonder if it was intentional.

HE HANDLES THE ROCK LIKE GIBRALTAR. HE HANDLES THE ROCK LIKE GIBRALTAR.

I do wonder about the mechanics of this rhyme. This is presumably a reference to the Rock of Gibraltar, a massive structure that overlooks the Mediterranean Sea. You’d think it’d be used to evoke something large and immovable, hence the saying, “solid as the Rock of Gibraltar.” Instead, Common is suggesting that Walker is known for ... weaving it back and forth at the tip of his fingers? Kinda hard to do that to something that never moves.

Still ... HE HANDLES THE ROCK LIKE GIBRALTAR. HE HANDLES THE ROCK LIKE GIBRALTAR.

Vogel is a wonderful coach. He does not, in any way imaginable, run the Los Angeles Lakers like a mogul.