Tom Brady can’t find a place to work out in a 30,000-square-foot mansion

I get it. Staying inside, cooped up in your house, isn’t a lot of fun. I am right there with the rest of you, and my 600-square-foot home sure feels like it gets even smaller on some days during the Covid-19 quarantine.

New Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady is having the same trouble as you are. With Florida under stay-at-home orders since April 1 and the NFL having all training facilities currently on lockdown, he has been forced to find alternatives to a typical trip to the gym. Apparently, he made the escape to a park in Tampa to try to get a workout in, according to ESPN Bucs reporter Jenna Laine. That, however, is against the rules.

Poor Brady. It can’t be easy right now to stay in shape, especially in the confines of a dwelling.

Just a moment ... I’m being handed a piece of paper and it appears, dear reader, that the six-time Super Bowl champion is currently renting a 30,000-square-foot home that is owned by former New York Yankees superstar and current Miami Marlins CEO Derek Jeter. It is located on the man-made Davis Islands just outside of downtown Tampa.

According to ESPN, the humble abode is located not too far from the Bucs’ training facilities and has seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, entertainment and billiards rooms. There’s also an elevator, a swimming pool, a fountain and a boat dock.

Call me crazy, but it seems like there just might be room for some state-of-the-art workout and training equipment. Just maybe.

Perhaps there is a nice gym there, complete with everything any professional athlete might need to stay in preseason shape, but the waterfront bungalow just has too many square feet for Brady to find it. He has likely thought about looking, but the idea of getting lost is just a bit too intimidating. (At least he wouldn’t have to worry about being too far from a bathroom if he did misplace himself.)

Even if Brady’s rental property doesn’t have a place to work out, his next door neighbor is former Buccaneers/Vikings/Bears defensive tackle Brad Culpepper and his wife Monica. Their son Rex is a quarterback at Syracuse and their other son Judge is a defensive lineman at Penn State. There’s probably a good bet they have some workout equipment Brady could just stop over and use.

For the sake of the Buccaneers and coach Bruce Arians, hopefully Brady is able to find a way to get in some quality workouts while under quarantine. Maybe some sprints up and down the hallways? Skip the elevator and run the stairs? Throw partially deflated footballs out into the ocean from his picturesque view from his yard?

It just feels like there are some possibilities here. Then again, what the hell do I know? Maybe the entire house is filled with trophies and Super Bowl rings and piles and piles of copies of the TB12™ Method: How to Achieve a Lifetime of Sustained Peak Performance book and boxes of T-shirts with “Tampa Brady,” “Tompa Bay” and “TB x TB” on them.

Or maybe not.