Pacers vets filling Cassius Stanley’s car with popcorn is the ultimate prank and punishment

The Pacers played a prank on rookie Cassius Stanley that might seem hilarious at first glance, but knowing what I do about the commercial popcorn industry — it’s horrifying.

Stanley wasn’t doing the little things veterans expect, like getting towels, working out on his off days, and listening to his teammates. So they decided to teach him a lesson.

Filling a car with popcorn might seem innocent, but it’s a death sentence for a car. Especially a new one. I know this because I’ve lived it. My job throughout high school and college was working in movie theaters, first as a part of the floor staff — then as a senior manager. I know this popcorn was obtained from a theater, and I know Stanley’s car is effectively ruined — unless he wants to get the entire car reupholstered, or just enjoys the smell of popcorn.

Every single movie theater I’ve worked at operates the same way. We cannot pop enough popcorn fresh to order to keep up with a rush, so it’s always popped ahead of time and kept in large plastic bags in the back for up to two days. We dump it in a warmer before it’s served, and nobody’s the wiser.

Part of what allows this popcorn to keep is the nuclear yellow oil blend that feeds into the commercial popper. It’s typically a mix of vegetable and palm oil, and if you get it on fabric it’s a nightmare. I lost countless shirts and ties to the oil while changing the boxes of oil, or popping popcorn so floor staff could keep helping customers. After conventional washing failed I took these items to a professional dry cleaner who said, and I quote, “I don’t know what you got on these ties, but it’s never coming out.”

Then you pair this with the salt we use. It’s not normal salt, not by a long shot. Commercial popcorn salt is the color of American cheese, and ground super fine so it’s dust. This ensures complete homogenization with the oil during cooking and proper coverage. It will also stain the hell out of anything it comes it contact with for a long time.

The smell of popcorn is intense too. When you walk into a theater you probably smell the popcorn and are enticed to hit concessions, but let me tell you: You’re probably mostly smelling the carpet. The carpet is so intensely scented with years of crushed popcorn that it gives off an odor stronger than the popper itself.

Put all this together I know this car is toast. I also know the veterans likely went to a movie theater to obtain the popcorn. The color is a giveaway to me. Getting this much popcorn is difficult, and hitting up a theater is your best option. There’s always a manager willing to take $35 for a four gallon bag of popcorn and pocket the cash. What’s $500 to NBA players in order to fill a car with 50 gallons of popcorn?

I honestly don’t know if this car can be salvaged. It all depends on how long the popcorn sat, and whether the oil soaked into the seats. In my professional opinion it’s going to need cleaning, detailing, and possible complete replacement of seats and mats in order to truly be rid of the smell.

Let this be a lesson to rookies: Listen to your vets.