Blatant CROTCH CHEATING has rocked the ski jumping world

It’s the greatest scandal to hit the world of ski jumping since the Engblåd-Distiick incident of 1976, which is something I just invented right this second, but you didn’t know that because we don’t talk about ski jumping very often.

Norway was caught red-handed for engaging in blatant crotch cheating at an event over the weekend, when officials were caught adding extra material to the crotch of jumping suits in an effort to make Norwegian athletes soar further in the air. They essentially constructed a crotch sail, modifying pre-approved suits.

But as Icarus flew too close to the sun, Norway got too close to the bum. The suits were found by officials and as a result two gold medalists, Marius Lindvik and Johann André Forfang have now been disqualified from the world championships for their modified suits.

Both athletes claim they knew nothing of the adjustments, but either way they competed in the suits. That led to the Federation of International Skiing (FIS) issuing the following statement:

“FIS has provisionally suspended three Norwegian team officials and two athletes who are being investigated for their alleged involvement in illegal equipment manipulation.”

Blame lands squarely at the feet of head coach Magnus Brevig and equipment manager Adrian Livelten, both of whom have been fired and admit they made the crotch adjustments.

“We regret it like dogs, and I’m terribly sorry that this happened. I don’t really have anything else to say other than that we got carried away in our bubble.”

There’s no word at this time as to whether or not a dog has manipulated a jumping suit for the purposes of cheating.

Results of recent competitions are now being reviewed to determine whether or not the Norwegian team cheated at past events. If an investigation concludes there have been more incidents it could affect the lead up to the 2026 Winter Olympics, set to take place in Milano-Cortina in February of next year.