College football offseason awards by Pete Volk @Pete_Volk
Offseason Coach of the Year
Jim Harbaugh, Michigan
Here's a list of things Jim Harbaugh has done since being hired by his alma mater:
- Started his tenure by almost tripping.
- Caused an entire basketball crowd to wear khakis.
- Tucked a Tigers jersey into his own khakis while throwing out a first pitch.
- Tried to play piccolo with the Michigan band.
- Described something as "kind of the way the pickle squirted this year," and said spring practice was like "coming out of the mother's womb."
- Subtweeted Urban Meyer, quoted Rick Ross, shouted out Nikki Minaj and advised people on Easter to "think like the egg."
- Apparently drank a lot of milk as a child, and "not the candy ass 2 percent or skim milk."
- Ate pizza, more happily than Meyer once did.
- Mimicked a player's prom proposal in a recruiting pitch.
- Finished fourth in Michigan's student body president race despite not running. He then vowed to do better in 2016.
- Played shirtless football at a camp, giving us this immortal image:
- Posted his office phone number on his Twitter bio.
- Had no idea who Paul Finebaum is.
- Made Colin Cowherd mad after an awkward interview.
- Referred to Ohio State by name!
- Remained totally unflustered by virtual reality.
Runner-up
Offseason Heisman
Cardale Jones, Ohio State QB
This offseason, the national championship-winning quarterback ...
- Hit his coach with bunny ears on national TV.
THE KING IS HERE pic.twitter.com/OBEBCrsfkT
— Land-Grant Holy Land (@Landgrant33) January 13, 2015
- Joked on Notre Dame.
- Asked you to add him on LinkedIn.
- Caused a certain part of the collective NFL media to have a conniption.
- Set the record straight.
Man I wish everyone stop saying I beat a kid in the hospital 91-35.... It was 98-35, had 91 with 1:26 left in the 4th pic.twitter.com/TAJxefv5A4
— Cardale Jones (@CJ12_) February 10, 2015
- Followed that up with some trash talk.
- Invented a new holiday, May Fool's Day, upon which he pretended to transfer to Akron.
- Feuded with Joakim Noah.
- Visited the White House, which has hella snacks.
- Tweeted his way into throwing out the first pitch at an Indians game.
- Escaped a dummy prank with an amazing chair roll.
- Got called "sweet" by Ronda Rousey after he attempted some Twitter flirting. Then showed up to camp in this shirt.
Nice shirt, Cardale pic.twitter.com/BFNiXrq36c
— Ryan Ginn (@RyanGinnBSB) August 9, 2015
- Ethered an obnoxious Ohio State fan straight off of Twitter.
Runner-up
Wurk. @BM_ShakeIT11 pic.twitter.com/4VKmU0XRTc
— John Humphrey Jr (@_easymoney02) May 28, 2015
Only Reason to Watch SEC Media Days
Dumbest Offseason Yelling Thing
WHAT *IS* NOTRE DAME ANYWAY?!
Some coaches from the ACC, SEC and Pac-12 said they want to see Notre Dame join a league, with some even saying the Irish shouldn't be eligible for the Playoff until they do.
Notre Dame hasn't been in a conference, ever, so it's unclear why this is suddenly a big deal.
Runners-up: Satellite camps, Big 12 expansion, whatever Nick Saban complained about this year and the Big Ten's freshman ineligibility thing
Best Offseason Touchdown
Leah Still taking a screen for a TD at the Temple spring game #LeahStrong pic.twitter.com/k2VZukt11M
— Tyler Meininger (@TMeininger1) April 25, 2015
Runner-up: 89-year-old Bryan Sperry, Kansas
Weirdest Display of Fandom
Definitely this guy
Most Displays of Fandom
Kenny Chesney
Ole Miss, Nebraska, Northwestern, NC State, Mississippi State ... you name it, Kenny's a fan.
Best Fifth-grade Art Project
Nebraska's uniforms
Is that ... is that Space Invaders? Tree leaves?
Runner-up
The 2015 ACC media guide's hidden profane message.
Badass-est Use of History
San Diego State's badass new uniforms
B1Ggest Achievement
Zettel also did this:
Anthony Zettel...@Zettel98 pic.twitter.com/WylTela80F
— Nick Bowers (@Nbowers28) August 10, 2015
Best New Trophy
Worst New Trophy
SEC LAWYERIN' Prize
'The only fact implicating Texas [in this lawsuit] is that [defensive coordinator John] Chavis happened to defect to Texas A&M and chose to begin working for A&M before his service to LSU was complete,' the new filing says. 'Notwithstanding the Aggies dire need for defensive help, Chavis could have defected to a college or professional team in any state, or even in a foreign country.'
The Annual NFL-Copying-College Award
DeflateGate
Lane Kiffin did it first, y'all.
Presidential Medal of Joey-dom
Offseason Brand of the Year
Whataburger had this award wrapped up in April.
College football without the UT/A&M rivalry game is like Whataburger without Spicy Ketchup. Still amazing, but definitely better with it.
— Whataburger® (@Whataburger) April 15, 2015
But then decided to seal the deal in July. No, not with the Meek Mill tweet. By shutting down Arkansas:
Oh. My. God. pic.twitter.com/WI7p5knFnQ
— Bradley Board (@Bradley_Board) July 20, 2015
Offseason Outdoorsman Award
But how fast could the tarpon run the 40?
Alabama coach Nick Saban opens by saying he caught a 6-foot, 180-pound tarpon last night. Even has a battle wound
— Mark Long (@APMarkLong) May 26, 2015
Alumni Award
Marcus Lattimore, South Carolina
Retirement is busy for Marcus. His days are packed with so much school and so many appearances and charitable events he hasn't had time, or perhaps the inclination, to help much with the planning of his wedding to Miranda, who he asked to marry him in the spring. Not that his fiancé has let him off the hook. "He's in charge of the honeymoon," Miranda says.
Just take some time out of your day to read this. It will be worth it.
Stuntingnest Stunting Trophy
When you've won four straight national championships, why not fill up a car with them?
Bison Pride Friday - Road Trip!Road trips are always more fun with friends.Quad squad had a nice drive around Fargo...
Posted by North Dakota State Bison on Friday, April 24, 2015
Endurance Cup
The North Carolina academic scandal, 2010 to 2016 at the earliest
The school reported new infractions in August, delaying any potential punishment until after Signing Day and March Madness. What a coincidence!
Foresight Award
2007 Steve Spurrier, South Carolina
I realize I'm not supposed to get in the political arena as a football coach, but if anybody were ever to ask me about that damn Confederate flag, I would say we need to get rid of it. I've been told not to talk about that. But if anyone were ever to ask me about it, I certainly wish we could get rid of it.
Parent Participation Cup
Runners-up
Snoop Dogg throwing away USC parephenalia, Deion Sanders obliterating his son on Twitter
Workout Warrior
Runner-up
Mizzou lineman Evan Boehm and his Daisy Dukes
Lifetime Achievement Award
Mark May and Lou Holtz, no longer on your televisions
We'll actually miss ya, Lou. As for Mark, well, we'll always have your tweets.
Fwd:I am back
— Mark May (@mark_may) September 18, 2013
