One morning, Commissioner Manfred wakes up and decides that everyone has to go home.
He makes a few calls. He assembles a phalanx of lawyers. He deposes the owners who oppose his idea, and he tinkles on the Collective Bargaining Agreement. In the end, he wins. His idea rearranges every roster in baseball.
This is his idea: Every player in baseball has to return to their first team. David Ortiz has to go back to the Mariners, who signed him in 1992. He'll be joined by Alex Rodriguez. They'll have to split the DH. Maybe Rodriguez will play center field, I don't know.
Jake Arrieta on the Orioles. Carlos Santana on the Dodgers. Anthony Rizzo on the Red Sox. It's as if every trade and free agent signing was rolled back. It's as if there were no trades. It's as if the only free agents that were allowed were amateur free agents, and the second they took a minor-league at-bat, they were tethered to their team for life.
Here are what those teams would look like. If your team is improved, you might want join Commissioner Manfred's cause:
C Miguel Montero
1B Paul Goldschmidt
2B Chris Owings
SS Stephen Drew
3B Jake Lamb
LF Justin Upton
CF A.J. Pollock
RF Adam Eaton
Ender Inciarte
Carlos González
Gerardo Parra
Yasmany Tomás
Mark Reynolds
Max Scherzer
Wade Miley
Jorge De La Rosa
Trevor Bauer
Chase Anderson
Jarrod Parker
Brett Anderson
Ryan Cook
Bryan Shaw
Andrew Chafin
Mike Bolsinger
Evan Scribner
Javier López
Josh Collmenter
No, there's no backup catcher. But that's because there were six dozen outfielders. The reserve outfield is Carlos Gonzalez, Ender Inciarte, and Gerardo Parra. They would have stuck Mark Reynolds behind the plate, and he would have had a Hall of Fame career in this alternate universe. A.J. Pollock would have played short? I don't know, they would have figured it out.
C Brian McCann
1B Freddie Freeman
2B Elvis Andrus
SS Andrelton Simmons
3B Yunel Escobar
LF Martin Prado
CF Gregor Blanco
RF Jason Heyward
Evan Gattis
Tommy La Stella
Jose Peraza
Adam LaRoche
Garrett Jones
Adam Wainwright
Julio Teheran
Alex Wood
Kris Medlen
Jeff Locke
Craig Kimbrel
Neftali Feliz
J.J. Hoover
Blaine Boyer
Sean Gilmartin
Chasen Shreve
This would be a very good, very expensive team.
C Matt Wieters
1B Christian Walker
2B Jonathan Schoop
SS Manny Machado
3B Pedro Florimon
LF Jayson Werth
CF Nolan Reimold
RF Nick Markakis
DH L.J. Hoes
Caleb Joseph
Trey Mancini
Xavier Avery
Ty Kelly
Jake Arrieta
Wei-Yin Chen
Eduardo Rodríguez
Kevin Gausman
Tsuyoshi Wada
Koji Uehara
Zach Britton
David Hernández
Mychal Givens
Zach Davies
Dylan Bundy
Pedro Beato
Manny Machado makes up for a lot of sins, and in this scenario, Jake Arrieta comes back after the Cubs have already fixed him. Everyone wins! Except the Cubs.
C Blake Swihart
1B Anthony Rizzo
2B Dustin Pedroia
SS Xander Bogaerts
3B José Iglesias
LF Jacoby Ellsbury
CF Mookie Betts
RF Josh Reddick
DH Hanley Ramírez
Jed Lowrie
Christian Vazquez
Travis Shaw
Brandon Moss
Jackie Bradley, Jr.
Jon Lester
Anibal Sánchez
Clay Buchholz
Brian Johnson
Henry Owens
Jonathan Papelbon
Hunter Strickland
Alex Wilson
Casey Kelly
Junichi Tazawa
Frankie Montas
The lineup is absurd, but there's a little sadness when it comes to the DH. Would they trade David Ortiz for Anthony Rizzo in real life? Don't answer that.
C Welington Castillo
1B Kyle Schwarber
2B DJ LeMahieu
SS Starlin Castro
3B Josh Donaldson
LF Kris Bryant
CF Josh Harrison
RF Jorge Soler
Geovany Soto
Justin Bour
Javier Baez
Steve Clevenger
Sam Fuld
Arismendy Alcantara
Jeff Samardzija
Andrew Cashner
Ricky Nolasco
Kyle Lohse
Rich Hill
Tony Zych
Chris Rusin
Zack Godley
Dallas Beeler
Eric Jokisch
Armando Rivero
Right as you get excited to have Josh Donaldson back, you look at the rotation. I don't know. Maybe Rich Hill really will win 20 games this year.
C Chris Stewart
1B Jose Abreu
2B Marcus Semien
SS Alexei Ramírez
3B Eduardo Escobar
LF Trayce Thompson
CF Chris Young
RF Paulo Orlando
DH Mike Morse
Tyler Saladino
Carlos Sanchez
Kevan Smith
Chris Carter
Ryan Sweeney
Chris Sale
Gio González
Carlos Rodon
Hector Santiago
Mark Buehrle
Brandon McCarthy
Addison Reed
Jake Petricka
Daniel Hudson
Nate Jones
Boone Logan
Chris Bassitt
The rotation isn't much different, depending on if you prefer Jose Quintana or Gio Gonzalez. The lineup is Hawk Harrelson freestyle rapping over the demo beat on a $30 Casio keyboard, but they still have Chris Sale!
C Yasmani Grandal
1B Joey Votto
2B Justin Turner
SS Didi Gregorius
3B Todd Frazier
LF Chris Denorfia
CF Billy Hamilton
RF Jay Bruce
Devin Mesoraco
Chris Heisey
Zack Cozart
Yonder Alonso
Drew Stubbs
Johnny Cueto
Mike Leake
Michael Lorenzen
Travis Wood
Raisel Iglesias
Homer Bailey
Aroldis Chapman
Brad Boxberger
Tony Cingrani
Jon Moscot
Sam LeCure
Pedro Villarreal
It's a better team, certainly. Time permitting, I'm hoping to run some simulations with these rosters and get some fake standings. This team would do okay, I'm thinking.
C Roberto Perez
1B Brad Snyder
2B Jason Kipnis
SS Francisco Lindor
3B Jhonny Peralta
LF Tyler Holt
CF José Ramírez
RF Lonnie Chisenhall
DH Victor Martinez
Maicer Izturis
Giovanny Urshela
Jeremy Lucas
Erik Gonzalez
Yandy Diaz
Chris Archer
Danny Salazar
Bartolo Colón
Josh Tomlin
CC Sabathia
Cody Allen
Héctor Rondon
Zach Putnam
Tony Sipp
Jeanmar Gómez
T.J. House
One of the tougher lineups to fill out, but the rotation is solid. And don't forget about the 2016 AL Rookie of the Year, Yandy Diaz!
C Chris Iannetta
1B Ben Paulsen
2B Juan Uribe
SS Troy Tulowitzki
3B Nolan Arenado
LF Matt Holliday
CF Dexter Fowler
RF Charlie Blackmon
Corey Dickerson
Seth Smith
Michael McKenry
Clint Barmes
Tom Murphy
Jhoulys Chacin
Ubaldo Jiménez
Chad Bettis
Jon Gray
Eddie Butler
Rex Brothers
Pedro Strop
Will Harris
Franklin Morales
Tyler Matzek
Christian Bergman
Carlos Estevez
Basically the rotation they're rolling with now, minus Ubaldo and Jhoulys. I'm not sure if it's a contender, but that's a fairly imposing lineup.
C James McCann
1B Alex Avila
2B Devon Travis
SS Eugenio Suarez
3B Nick Castellanos
LF Ryan Raburn
CF Cameron Maybin
RF Curtis Granderson
DH Matthew Joyce
Omar Infante
Andy Dirks
Avisail García
Hernan Perez
Justin Verlander
Rick Porcello
Drew Smyly
Jacob Turner
Buck Farmer
Fernando Rodney
Andrew Miller
Bruce Rondon
Jason Frasor
Casey Fien
Corey Knebel
Burke Badenhop
Charlie Furbush
The lesson? Never, ever, ever get rid of your bullpen arms, and you'll have a much better bullpen. And congratulations on getting Ryan Raburn back, Tigers fans!
C Jason Castro
1B A.J. Reed
2B José Altuve
SS Carlos Correa
3B Ben Zobrist
LF Delino DeShields
CF George Springer
RF Hunter Pence
DH J.D. Martinez
Brandon Barnes
J.B. Shuck
Preston Tucker
Enrique Hernández
Tyler Heineman
Dallas Keuchel
Lance McCullers
Vincent Velasquez
Mike Foltynewicz
Michael Feliz
Chad Qualls
Matt Albers
Nick Tropeano
Jordan Lyles
Bud Norris
Mark Appel
Put Ben Zobrist wherever you want, and it'll still make sense. The bullpen was a little tricky, but maybe Jordan Lyles would add a few MPH in the bullpen and become Wade Davis.
C Salvador Perez
1B Eric Hosmer
2B Johnny Giovatella
SS Orlando Calixte
3B Mike Moustakas
LF Alex Gordon
CF Jarrod Dyson
RF Wil Myers
DH Carlos Beltrán
Mike Aviles
David Lough
Christian Colon
Clint Robinson
Billy Butler
Zack Greinke
Yordano Ventura
Danny Duffy
Mike Montgomery
John Lamb
Luke Hochevar
Kelvin Herrera
J.P. Howell
Aaron Crow
Brandon Finnegan
Louis Coleman
Greg Holland
Basically the Royals, but with Zack Greinke. Maybe ZiPS and PECOTA would like that team.
C Martin Maldonado
1B Mike Napoli
2B Howie Kendrick
SS Erick Aybar
3B Mark Trumbo
LF Kole Calhoun
CF Mike Trout
RF Randal Grichuk
DH Kendrys Morales
Jean Segura
Sean Rodriguez
Hank Conger
Peter Bourjos
John Lackey
Patrick Corbin
Garrett Richards
Ervin Santana
Tyler Skaggs
Francisco Rodríguez
Kevin Jepsen
Darren O'Day
Jordan Walden
Will Smith
Jered Weaver
Tyler Chatwood
No, Mark Trumbo probably isn't the best choice for third base. But it's the choice that I wanted to see. That, and the dingers. Also, note that Jered Weaver just barely made the roster. What a world.
C Russell Martin
1B Carlos Santana
2B Dee Gordon
SS Corey Seager
3B Adrián Beltré
LF Matt Kemp
CF Joc Pederson
RF Yasiel Puig
Shane Victorino
Scott Van Slyke
Franklin Gutiérrez
Hector Olivera
A.J. Ellis
James Loney
Clayton Kershaw
Nathan Eovaldi
Kenta Maeda
Rubby De La Rosa
Jose De Leon
Hyun-jin Ryu
Kenley Jansen
Shawn Tolleson
Joakim Soria
Yimi García
Jumbo Díaz
Jonathan Broxton
They still have Clayton Kershaw, and they get Carlos Santana, Russell Martin, and Adrian Beltre back. Oh, and the bench and bullpen are strong, too.
C J.T. Realmuto
1B Adrian Gonzalez
2B Robert Andino
SS Josh Wilson
3B Miguel Cabrera
LF Marcell Ozuna
CF Christian Yelich
RF Giancarlo Stanton
Chris Coghlan
Mark Canha
Logan Morrison
Matt Dominguez
Kyle Skipworth
José Fernandez
Tom Koehler
Andrew Heaney
Adam Conley
Brad Hand
A.J. Ramos
Steve Cishek
Chris Hatcher
Arquimedes Caminero
Nick Wittgren
Jason Vargas
Welcome back, Adrian Gonzalez. Now hit some dingers between Giancarlo Stanton and Miguel Cabrera.
C Jonathan Lucroy
1B Prince Fielder
2B Scooter Gennett
SS J.J. Hardy
3B Brett Lawrie
LF Michael Brantley
CF Lorenzo Cain
RF Ryan Braun
Alcides Escobar
Adam Weisenburger
Khris Davis
Norichika Aoki
Jason Rogers
Yovani Gallardo
Jake Odorizzi
Mike Fiers
Wily Peralta
Jimmy Nelson
Tom Wilhelmsen
Jeremy Jeffress
Taylor Jungmann
Jorge López
Tyler Thornburg
Tyler Cravy
David Goforth
Even if you're side-eying the rotation, look at that darned lineup. Oh, what could have been. All it would have taken was unlimited cash and clairvoyance.
C A.J. Pierzynski
1B Joe Mauer
2B Brian Dozier
SS Danny Santana
3B Trevor Plouffe
LF Eddie Rosario
CF Byron Buxton
RF Denard Span
DH Miguel Sano
Danny Valencia
Aaron Hicks
Yangervis Solarte
Ben Revere
Kennys Vargas
Kyle Gibson
Matt Garza
Tyler Duffey
Yohan Pino
Jose Berrios
Glen Perkins
Pat Neshek
Liam Hendriks
Michael Tonkin
A.J. Achter
Scott Baker
One of the most hilariously imbalanced teams in baseball. Lots of hitting. Matt Garza starting the second game of the postseason.
C Kevin Plawecki
1B Lucas Duda
2B Daniel Murphy
SS Wilmer Flores
3B David Wright
LF Nelson Cruz
CF Carlos Gómez
RF Michael Conforto
José Reyes
Ángel Pagán
Juan Lagares
Drew Butera
Ike Davis
Jose Reyes (restricted)
Matt Harvey
Jacob deGrom
José Quintana
Scott Kazmir
Collin McHugh
Jeurys Familia
Joe Smith
Hansel Robles
Steven Matz
Dillon Gee
Jon Niese
Even when you take Noah Syndergaard away, it's still a dynamite rotation. If Scott Kazmir's velocity is freaking you out, don't worry. Steven Matz is right there.
C Francisco Cervelli
1B Dioner Navarro
2B Robinson Canó
SS Eduardo Núñez
3B Adonis Garcia
LF Brett Gardner
CF Austin Jackson
RF Melky Cabrera
DH Peter O' Brien
John Ryan Murphy
Slade Heathcott
Mason Williams
Abraham Almonte
Rob Refsnyder
Gregory Bird
Masahiro Tanaka
Phil Hughes
Luis Severino
Ian Kennedy
Manny Banuelos
Mark Melancon
David Robertson
John Axford
Tyler Clippard
Dellin Betances
Adam Warren
If you ever wanted to see just how creative and spendy the Yankees have to be, here you go. It's tough picking in the 20s in every draft, but ... well, there are better lineups in this exercise.
C Kurt Suzuki
1B Nick Swisher
2B Jemile Weeks
SS Addison Russell
3B Cliff Pennington
LF Matt Olson
CF Yoenis Céspedes
RF Andre Ethier
DH Max Muncy
Michael Choice
Dusty Coleman
Boog Powell
Anthony Recker
Daniel Robertson
Sonny Gray
Tyson Ross
Alexi Ogando
Dan Straily
Trevor Cahill
Huston Street
Santiago Casilla
Sean Doolittle
Joel Peralta
Joe Blanton
Ryan Webb
Technically, they could still get Nick Swisher to play first base. After the first two pitchers in the rotation, though, there's a wee bit of a drop off.
C Travis d'Arnaud
1B Jonathan Singleton
2B Chase Utley
SS Jimmy Rollins
3B Maikel Franco
LF Michael Bourn
CF Anthony Gose
RF Marlon Byrd
Quintin Berry
Domingo Santana
Jonathan Villar
Carlos Ruiz
Freddy Galvis
Ryan Howard
Aaron Altherr
Cole Hamels
Carlos Carrasco
Aaron Nola
Jarred Cosart
J.A. Happ
Brad Ziegler
Ken Giles
Antonio Bastardo
Ryan Madson
Trevor May
Vance Worley
I don't know how many games this team would win, but the Ryan Howard/Jonathan Singleton spring battle would have been something.
C Ramón Cabrera
1B Pedro Alvarez
2B Neil Walker
SS Jordy Mercer
3B Jung Ho Kang
LF Starling Marté
CF Andrew McCutchen
RF José Bautista
Gregory Polanco
Dilson Herrera
Nate McLouth
Rajai Davis
Steve Pearce
Gerrit Cole
Chris Young
Bronson Arroyo
Jameson Taillon
Tyler Glasnow
Tony Watson
Jared Hughes
Nick Kingham
Brandon Cumpton
Todd Redmond
Brad Lincoln
Montana DuRapau
The lineup is stellar. The rotation has Bronson Arroyo. It also has two top pitching prospects, so we'll see how impressive this looks in a couple months.
C Austin Hedges
1B David Freese
2B Logan Forsythe
SS Trea Turner
3B Chase Headley
LF Kyle Blanks
CF Travis Jankowski
RF Will Venable
Cory Spangenberg
Nick Hundley
Jedd Gyorko
Jace Peterson
Eric Sogard
Corey Kluber
Jake Peavy
Mat Latos
Joe Ross
Matt Wisler
Dale Thayer
Kevin Quackenbush
Brad Brach
Trevor Gott
Jake Diekman
Oliver Pérez
Nick Vincent
The utility infielders ran a mile deep. Sogard! Peterson! Dean Anna! As is, this probably would be a roster that would win more games than the splashy attempt to reforge the roster last offseason.
C Buster Posey
1B Pablo Sandoval
2B Joe Panik
SS Brandon Crawford
3B Matt Duffy
LF Brandon Belt
CF Mac Williamson
RF Nate Schierholtz
Jarrett Parker
Ryan Lollis
Juan Perez
Andrew Susac
Ehire Adrianza
Madison Bumgarner
Francisco Liriano
Chris Heston
Matt Cain
Clayton Blackburn
Zack Wheeler
Sergio Romo
Jason Grilli
Josh Osich
Tim Lincecum
Carlos Villanueva
Cody Hall
Steven Okert
Clayton Blackburn would start until Zack Wheeler was fully healthy, and the infield would be mostly the same. Though I suppose they might try Pablo Sandoval in left ...
C Rene Rivera
1B Alex Rodriguez
2B Asdrubal Cabrera
SS Brad Miller
3B Kyle Seager
LF Luis Valbuena
CF Adam Jones
RF Shin-Soo Choo
DH David Ortiz
Mike Zunino
Ketel Marté
Michael Saunders
Ichiro Suzuki
Dustin Ackley
Félix Hernández
Hisashi Iwakuma
Doug Fister
Chris Tillman
Michael Pineda
Carson Smith
Josh Fields
Mark Lowe
Shawn Kelley
Matt Thornton
Taijuan Walker
Carter Capps
James Paxton? Roenis Elias? Casualties of the 25-man roster. If you think this is a solid roster, just think about what it would have looked like in 2001, with the 116-win team plus Alex Rodriguez and Ken Griffey, Jr.
C Yadier Molina
1B Albert Pujols
2B Kolten Wong
SS Brendan Ryan
3B Matt Carpenter
LF Colby Rasmus
CF David Peralta
RF Stephen Piscotty
Coco Crisp
Aledmys Diaz
Matt Adams
Jon Jay
Tony Cruz
Shelby Miller
Michael Wacha
Jaime García
Carlos Martínez
Alex Reyes
Lance Lynn
Trevor Rosenthal
Luke Gregerson
Seth Maness
Kevin Siegrist
Seung Hwan Oh
Marco Gonzalez
Sam Tuivailala
There were about 409 different relievers who didn't make the cut. Starters who couldn't crack the rotation, closers who just didn't fit. And I couldn't even fit Brett Wallace onto the bench. What a mess. Stupid Cardinals.
C Stephen Vogt
1B John Jaso
2B Derek Dietrich
SS Tim Beckham
3B Evan Longoria
LF Carl Crawford
CF Kevin Kiermaier
RF Desmond Jennings
DH Josh Hamilton
Melvin Upton, Jr.
Luke Maile
Richie Shaffer
Jonny Gomes
Mikie Mahtook
David Price
James Shields
Jason Hammel
Matt Moore
Jesse Hahn
Alex Cobb
Jake McGee
Wade Davis
Felipe Rivero
Álex Colomé
Andrew Bellatti
Jeremy Hellickson
A starting rotation to envy. A lineup that's not much different than their actual lineup. I'm not sure if I would even take this roster over the current Rays' 25-man roster, which probably says something about their general resourcefulness.
C Tomás Telis
1B Mark Teixeira
2B Ian Kinsler
SS Rougned Odor
3B Joey Gallo
LF Odubel Herrera
CF Leonys Martín
RF Chris Davis
DH Edwin Encarnacion
Jurickson Profar
Craig Gentry
Mitch Moreland
Justin Smoak
Taylor Teagarden
Yu Darvish
R.A. Dickey
Derek Holland
C.J. Wilson
Edinson Vólquez
Joaquín Benoit
Tommy Hunter
Robbie Ross
Keone Kela
Tanner Scheppers
Justin Grimm
The silliest team of the exercise. They had 15 starting pitchers. So C.J. Wilson is questionable, right? Well, they would have to dumpster-dive through their organization to pick from Martín Pérez Tanner Roark, Kyle Hendricks, Jesse Chavez, Scott Feldman, Colby Lewis, Jerad Eickhoff, John Danks, Chi Chi Gonzalez, and Nick Martinez for a replacement. In other words, the Frisco RoughRiders would have a heckuva rotation.
C Yan Gomes
1B Adam Lind
2B Ryan Goins
SS Adeiny Hechavarria
3B Aaron Hill
LF Travis Snider
CF Kevin Pillar
RF Dalton Pompey
DH Álex Ríos
Jake Marisnick
Tyler Pastornicky
Eric Thames
JP Arencibia
Marcus Stroman
Noah Syndergaard
Henderson Álvarez
Aaron Sanchez
Dan Norris
Roberto Osuna
Casey Janssen
Marc Rzepczynski
Brett Cecil
Aaron Loup
Sam Dyson
Danny Farquhar
There were cuts to the bullpen, and the rotation is surprisingly deep. Would this lineup score more runs than the current lineup? I guess we'll never know. But, no.
C Derek Norris
1B Ryan Zimmerman
2B Brandon Phillips
SS Ian Desmond
3B Anthony Rendon
LF Steven Souza
CF Billy Burns
RF Bryce Harper
Danny Espinosa
Tyler Moore
Jake Smolinski
Michael Taylor
Destin Hood
Jordan Zimmermann
Stephen Strasburg
Marco Estrada
Robbie Ray
Nate Karns
Drew Storen
Tommy Milone
Brad Peacock
Ross Detwiler
Aaron Barrett
Gilberto Mendez
Wander Suero
This is a good team, with a nice lineup, rotation, and bench. The bullpen sure took a lot of digging, though.