Nothin’ like a statewide proclamation for a big game. Governor John Hickenlooper of Colorado came up with a good one for the day of the Broncos’ Super Bowl match-up with the Seahawks: For Sunday, February 2, all of Colorado’s “14ers” -- mountains over 14,000 feet -- will be renamed after Denver players. There are exactly 53 such peaks, so this is perfect. The proclamation itself is fun to read because of its mix of fancy government parlance and sports-y silliness. These are some of the best WHEREASes:
Colorado’s tallest peaks will be renamed after Broncos for the Super Bowl
Someone needs to climb Mt. Pot Roast.
WHEREAS, Seattle makes some, well, OK beer; and
WHEREAS, the Seahawks have a 12th man, whatever, while the Denver Broncos have the greatest fans -- men, women and children -- in pro sports; and
Proclamations are sometimes used for serious stuff, yet here’s one that includes the phrase “well, OK beer”. Excellent. Even better, the renaming wasn’t done randomly. Many of the new names come with goofy explanations, like so:
| Castle Peak | Duke Ihenacho - Because only a duke could vanquish a castle-like offense. |
| Longs Peak | Matt Prater - He kicks ‘em long (set an NFL record with a 64-yard field goal vs. Tennessee). |
| Mt. Wilson | Shaun Phillips - Leads the Broncos in sacks this year and will be taking down Russell Wilson. |
And:
| Mt. Sherman | Wes Welker - Let’s see Richard Sherman cover Wes. Right, good luck with that. |
OHHHHH.
The best choice by far goes to the already-excellently-named Mt. Massive, which is now called Terrance Knighton - AKA POT ROAST. Yes.
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