Stephen Curry’s 2-year-old daughter, Riley, sat on her dad’s lap during his post-Game 1 press conference Tuesday. It was a delight. She’s undeniably adorable:
There should be adorable kids at every NBA press conference
Reporters asking questions of the Warriors star didn’t appreciate the cuteness as much as the rest of us, and for legitimate reason:
@HowardBeck pic.twitter.com/Hk68CzzPbA
— Nate Jones (@JonesOnTheNBA) May 20, 2015 My man @WindhorstESPN taking the most unpopular position ever, saying NBA might need to ban kids from podium so reporters can ask questions
— Ramona Shelburne (@ramonashelburne) May 20, 2015
(I assume this one was a joke.)
The press conference is an event of limited time frame staged so that reporters on deadline can get quotes to print as efficiently as possible. That’s their job, and this is for them, and in turn for those of us who want to know what players have to say after they play. How many of us is that, really? Would we rather hear Stephen Curry’s likely-rote answers to likely-boring questions, or would we rather just watch a toddler enjoy her moment on national TV?
Of course, Curry’s Warriors had just won and he wasn’t getting grilled for his failures. That’s not usually the case. Employing a lapbaby is a classic tactic to divert attention and soften reporters after a loss. Derrick Rose’s lapbaby made heart-melting old man faces just the other day while his dad took questions about the Bulls blowing their series against the Cavs:
When they ask your Dad if Chicago can possibly win in Cleveland.... pic.twitter.com/VdD49eq5GB
— Dave Zirin (@EdgeofSports) May 10, 2015 Little Chris Paul has made many a post-loss appearance over the years. Allen Iverson often brought his kids to the podium, and reporters remember that as an act of defiance. It's a thing. Even if Curry wasn't a good example of it, lapbabies definitely get used sometimes to make reporters' jobs more difficult. Assuming for this exercise that we care that reporters' jobs are more difficult, here are some potential solutions:
1. Ignore the lapbaby, ask the player tough questions anyway.
You’ve got a journalism degree and years of experience and you can’t work around a tiny person who barely understands what you’re saying?
2. Ask the lapbaby tough basketball questions.
“Regarding your daddy’s crucial turnovers at the end of the game ... does he ever drop you?”
“Your dad decided to rest his injury instead of play in a crucial playoff game. Are you reconsidering him as your personal hero?”
“Talk about what it feels like to be the spawn of a choker.”
3. Ask the baby tough baby questions.
“There’s buzz out there that you took a Popsicle without finishing your carrots first like mommy asked. Care to comment?”
“Some housemates who asked to be anonymous claim you haven’t slept through the night in weeks. How do you refute suggestions that you’re a locker room cancer?”
“Why are you hiding under the table? Some would say you’re failing to perform on the biggest stage.”
“Yes, this is a two-part question: HOW MUCH CAILLOU DID YOU WATCH THIS MORNING AND WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
4. Reverse the tactic.
Reporters have kids, too, right? Bring your daughter, let her serve up the brutally direct questions you’re too craven to ask. How can a player shut down an adorable kid?
5. Every player gets a lapbaby.
Neutralize the tactic by hiring a baby to sit on every player’s lap for every press conference ever. Doesn’t even have to be a baby. Let puppies run around on the podium while the player speaks. Mix it up.
Right? Isn’t that great? Lapbabies for all. Lapbabies forever. THE FANS DEMAND LAPBABIES.
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