At least Duke won in the ‘White Lotus’ finale

Naturally we’re going to be discussing the finale of ‘White Lotus,’ season three. If you don’t want to have that spoiled — please come back later.

It was a rough start to the weekend for Duke fans as the Blue Devils crumbled in the second half against Houston, ensuring that Cooper Flagg and company wouldn’t be competing for a National Championship this year. Meanwhile, the Ratliff family’s time in Thailand came to an end in the season finale of White Lotus, and, well — they actually managed to win.

The Ratliff’s and Duke are inexorably linked — no matter how much the school wants to distance itself from the show. In this case they should embrace White Lotus, because they came out on top.

We opened the finale with Piper accepting that she’s too privileged and shallow to make sacrifices and actually move to Thailand to live in a temple. Spiritual enlightenment was only skin deep for the Ratliff’s daughter, who realized she likes air conditioning and spices more.

Victoria called this precisely, and everything went to plan. She didn’t need to get into a protracted argument with Piper, instead knowing deep down that it was “like mother, like daughter” and the allure of their upper class lifestyle would win out over a monk.

First win: The family stays together

Saxon hasn’t been the same since getting a handjob from his brother. Look, I can’t imagine trauma this created — but it was seemingly a turning point for him to stop being so self-absorbed, and at least try to have some self-improvement through the books Chelsea gave him about eastern philosophy.

I don’t think this is going to really hold, but Saxon at least dodged the minefield that was having sex with Chloe in front of Gary — which I have to assume would have ended in hi death.

Second win: Saxon lives, and might be a better person?

It might not be a popular opinion, but Lochlan deserved to die. I’m sorry, I know he was the only likable Ratliff — but I’m really struggling to see his internal logic behind making the smoothie in that blender.

Lochy wakes up and sees the blender, partially-filled with a cesspool of grossness. At the very least my man thinks it has rotten coconut milk, rum, and pineapple in it. Plus from the reactions of the family those Thai death seeds tasted like butt. So he’s like “nah, I’ll just put some Muscle Milk and water in this and drink it anyway.”

I don’t know why he lived. At no point did Timothy even attempt to get medical attention for his son. He just woke up, puked a little and dad was like “he’s good now!” Without concerning himself with getting a toxicology examination.

Third win: Lochlan lives, learns the importance of properly washing blenders

The most unbelievable part of this season is that a multi-millionaire with the amount of connections Timothy had would really be so afraid of going to jail for financial crimes and not have his money stashed off shore where the feds couldn’t get it.

Anyway, Timothy decides to murder his entire family (sans Lochy) for their shallowness, thinking he’s somehow protecting them in the process. Then he has a change of heart and realizes that living together with nothing is better than dying with everything.

Worst case scenario the Ratliff’s give us a weird Shitt’s Creek reboot nobody saw coming.

Fourth win: Timothy doesn’t murder his family and discovers the meaning of life

I’m not saying that the Rafliff’s dominated the White Lotus tournament, but they absolutely won. We don’t know that they’ll be financially destitute, and they all lived. Furthermore, there’s a good chance that Saxon and Timothy will improve as people as a result of their trip.

The same can’t be said for Rick and Chelsea, who both died. Jaclyn, Kate and Laurie — who basically had some fights but left exactly the same as they arrived. Gaitok, who only got the girl because he killed a guy and became a bodyguard when she was ready to drop him without any upward mobility, or Thidapon who got totally screwed over by Belinda the same way she got screwed over by Tanya.

Hear me out: The only people who managed to win more than the Ratliff’s were Belinda and Zion — but I have a feeling they’re going to end up paying for extorting Gary. We’ll have to see in season four, but you best damn believe history is going to repeat itself.