Directional Michigan: Combining the MAC’s 3 Michigan schools into a SUPERPOWER

Hello. This is the silliest thing you’ll read all offseason, probably. It solves no problems, offers no lessons for the future, and only ends up affirming that there are many college football teams at the FBS level. In short, it is very important, and yes, we all have too much free time on our hands in March.

Let us now begin constructing the Directional Michigan football program by smashing together the middling MAC programs at CMU, EMU, and WMU. I will not apologize for spending a small portion of my life on this.

First, we’re going to need a place to put Directional Michigan University, home of the DMU Directionals. The team could try playing football games in three different cities. But no. We’re going to combine three universities into one and plunk it down at a central location. Not a Central location.

This part is easy. First, the MAC map, via Wikipedia:

Next, we can eyeball the triangulation between Kalamazoo, Mt. Pleasant, and Ypsilanti, via Google Maps:

And so it’s settled. We’ll set up shop just north of Lansing, the state capital, whose metro area is about half a million. Michigan State’s about 10 minutes to the east. Also, our enrollment has just soared to about 75,000 students, making us the largest campus in the United States, but that’s not a sports thing.

First things first.

The MAC Michigans currently rank Nos. 75, 80, and 88 in the latest athletic department revenue database. Combining their resources would rocket Directional Michigan to $82.7 million in sportsbucks. That would be good for No. 24 and ahead of Washington, North Carolina, and Nebraska.

But let’s note Directional Michigan wouldn’t need (“need”) anywhere near as much in school athletics subsidies. Central, Eastern, and Western currently give an average of $20.2 million per year to each of their athletic departments, according to USA Today. So let’s drop the school subsidy figure from three portions of $20.2 million to just one. That would leave us with $41.7 million in athletics revenue every year, both uniting the schools’ spending power and cutting state subsidy money by $41 million.

We’d lose another $200,000 because of Directional Michigan only getting one slice of the MAC’s ESPN contract, rather than three.

That new figure, $41.5 million (pending perhaps a few more minor deductions), would rank No. 60 among all FBS schools, ahead of programs like UCF, Utah, and Houston. That $20.2 million subsidy is still very large, and would rank No. 15 among FBS schools -- we could slash it in half and still be the MAC’s richest program. But we’ve already saved the system $41 million, so let’s hold for now.

First order of business for all that money: build a new stadium. DMU can’t just play at the home of the Lansing Derby Vixens forever.

The Michigans’ current football stadiums were opened in 1939, 1969, and 1972. Each has been renovated or expanded within the last 25 years, but about as ornately as you’d expect.

The stadiums’ combined capacity is more than 90,000, but considering their combined 2013 attendance was all of 34,622 fans per week (mashing the three into one team means nearing ACC range, at least!), that’s a little bit roomy. So we won’t stack them on top of each other, quashing your dreams of the first MAC football arcology.

Here’s a way to figure out what kind of building Directional Michigan might have if it had ganged up a few decades ago. According to Wikipedia the three stadiums’ inflation-adjusted, combined construction budgets would come out to $106.6 million. That’s about what Houston announced in 2012 that it hoped to spend on this new 40,000-seater, which is about 12,000 seats bigger than the typical MAC stadium:

That would more than suit 2013’s attendance demands, and since Directional Michigan would actually win games, it would likely sell out now and then. Directional Michigan would challenge for the MAC attendance crown every year. We are really accomplishing things here.

According to USA Today’s 2013 coaching salaries database, each _MU paid its head coach about $375,000 for the season. Pooling those budgets would’ve meant about $1.2 million for a head coach.

That would mean Directional Michigan could’ve perhaps lured Fresno State’s Tim DeRuyter or Bowling Green’s Dave Clawson (who both got big raises after the season), a top power-program coordinator (we* could give Michigan State defensive coordinator and Broyles Award-winner Pat Narduzzi a $300,000 raise over his 2014 salary), or a name like East Carolina’s Ruffin McNeil, Marshall’s Doc Holliday, Ohio’s Frank Solich, or Utah State’s Matt Wells. And maybe DMU could’ve kept Brian Kelly or Butch Jones from Cincinnati for another year or so.

* At some point, it felt right to start referring to Directional Michigan as “we.”

At worst, we could still turn stuff like this by Eastern Michigan ...

... into something more like this resounding hall of champions, made up of the most successful CMU, EMU, and WMU coaches:

That’s such a fine list of leaders, we don’t even have room for the father of two NFL head coaches, Jack Harbaugh (25-27-3 at Western Michigan, 1982-1986).

Now for the most important component.

Instead of squabbling over who’s the No. 3 school in the state of Michigan, we’d automatically leave no doubt. And our upgrades in coaching, facilities, program prestige, the student body, and number of academic majors mean we could actually challenge Michigan and Michigan State for certain players.

As for how this would’ve changed 2014, I don’t know how else to put this. Western Michigan recruited the shit out of the MAC in 2014. Its 153.7 class rating in the 247 Sports Composite makes it the conference’s highest-rated class in the ratings era. It’s so far ahead of everyone else in the conference that runner-up Toledo could’ve added No. 1 national recruit Leonard Fournette and still finished short. That’s a ridiculous piece of evidence, but that’s what the internet says.

Creating a composite Directional Michigan recruiting class for 2014 is kind of pointless. Replacing the lowest-rated players in Western’s class with the best players from Central and Eastern (using 247 Sports’ Class Calculator) barely nudges the needle. Here’s WMU’s class with CMU and EMU players added in -- 14 of the top 15 are still Broncos:

But of course it wasn’t always like that. Central had the higher-rated class the previous two years, and Eastern ... isn’t always quite so bad.

Combining their 2013 classes bumps the Michigans from Nos. 4, 8, and 10 in the MAC to No. 1, for example. Nationally, the Michigans rise from Nos. 100, 112, and 114 to No. 72*, ahead of Boston College, Georgia Tech, and Syracuse.

After glancing at previous years, I think we can say Directional Michigan would be the MAC’s recruiting power almost every year. And that’s before we start blowing that $41.5 million on recruitment gadgets.

* Western Michigan’s 2014 class ranked No. 70 all by itself. Recruited the shit out of the MAC, I tell you.

Central had the No. 1 NFL Draft pick last year. Both Eastern and Western have had first-rounders, with five total all-time first-rounders between the three. Respectively Central, Eastern, and Western have had 17, 16, and 19 players drafted in the top 255 of a given Draft class (we’ll cut it off there, since the modern Draft goes for far fewer rounds than the Drafts of yore did).

Combining those Draft histories gives us this, via NFL.com:

We could also use that Draft list to slap together the beginnings of an all-time Directional Michigan team, if so inclined.

So let’s say Directional Michigan had been established decades ago. If it had resources along the way comparable to what we’ve given it here, it would’ve produced the MAC’s best all-time program. But if we based it on the individual histories of each school, maybe not by all that much.

Going back and simulating every season would turn up more accurate (and probably more complimentary) results, but using the combined best seasons of the three schools gives us a baseline.

Directional Michigan would probably have at least 10 all-time MAC championships, based on the 10 won by Central, Eastern, and Western. That’s as many as anybody else since 1966 (Toledo has 10) and the most since 1979 (nine), but fewer all-time than Miami, which has 15.

As for FBS bowl games, Central has three wins in seven tries. Eastern won its only attempt, in 1987. Western is 0-4. If we combine their bowl records into one (which does require jamming some of their bowl trips into different years) ...

Directional Michigan would likely at least tie with Bowling Green and NIU for all-time bowl wins and more bowl trips than any other MAC school besides Toledo, which has 13.

Also, Directional Michigan would have won every Michigan MAC Trophy ever.