1. This cheese sculpture is president until August:
27 things that will be different this offseason, now that the Big Ten has the championship
The Big Ten is now in charge of everything. Everything. There are going to be some changes.
2. Easter egg hunts replaced with Culver’s butter burger hunts
3. Super Bowl halftime show: Sufjan Stevens and Machine Gun Kelly featuring a Lutheran choir
4. Summer Olympics at Soldier Field and Lake Michigan, starting tomorrow morning
5. Valentine’s sausages
6. Madden 16 cover: Antwaan Randle El
7. Alabama merged with Mississippi; 50th state now Cardale Jones
8. Entire Coachella lineup:
9. Even more corn subsidies
10. Coast-to-coast Appomattox Day parades, April 9
11. CUBBIES GOING ALL THE WAY
12. Delany mixtape
13. Hockey
14. 2015 Academy Award for Best Picture: A Christmas Story
15. The Florida Gators have to go play this team:
16. NASCAR banned, replaced with Atlantans driving on ice as Kirk Herbstreit telestrates
17. Everybody Has To Call It “Pop” Act of 2015 imposed
18. Key West now part of Ohio
19. High school wrestling, network prime time TV
20. On like June 13, we all talk shit about Notre Dame all day, more than usual
21. Sports Illustrated sweatsuit issue
22. New York Times: “West Lafayette the new Austin?”
23. More Delany mixtapes
24. All upcoming schedules scrubbed of games against Virginia Tech
25. Oh my god so much deer hunting
26. Cinco de Mayo now Cinco de mayo
27. By September, the whole country must be as red as Wisconsin and Illinois here:
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