Saturday is Championship Saturday! Five games between five ranked teams! Playoff implications! And perhaps more importantly, the chance to be remembered as a conference champion forever and ever and ever and ever! Wouldn’t you like to know who will win?
MASCOT FIGHTS: Gators can resist the Tide, and 4 other Championship Week picks
Who can survive the Tide? A GATOR.
Luckily, I, Rodger, already know. I predict college football games by guessing which mascot would win in a fight, and have a record of over .500 on the year in these matchups. (How much over .500? LET’S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.)
Here are your foolproof, guaranteed-to-be-accurate (at least 50 percent of the time) picks:
(Disclaimer: SB Nation does not endorse mascots or animals fighting to the death. I bet you thought this would be a disclaimer about how we don't endorse gambling. Nah, we're fine with that. But the mascot death is only hypothetical.)
All times ET.
No. 22 Temple Owls @ No. 19 Houston Cougars (-6), 12 p.m., ABC
I don’t care how sneaky owls are. They can’t take down a cougar. Even though owls hypothetically have the tactical advantage -- they can fly, and can bring the fight to the cougar and retreat whenever they want -- they’re just too small for this fight.
Pick: HOUSTON COUGARS
No. 18 Florida Gators vs. No. 2 Alabama Crimson Tide (-18), 4 p.m., CBS
Gators can resist tide! They are good at swimming! That’s what they do!
Photo credit: Rainer Hengst, via ABC News 4
Pick: FLORIDA GATORS
No. 20 USC Trojans vs. No. 7 Stanford Cardinal (-4.5), 7:45 p.m., ESPN
Stanford is a tree. USC is a man with a large sword. Swords aren’t ideal for cutting down trees. An axe would be much better. But I think a sword will get the job done.
Photo credit: Harry How, Getty Images
Pick: USC Trojans
No. 4 Iowa Hawkeyes vs. No. 5 Michigan State Spartans (-3.5), 8 p.m., Fox
A Spartan warrior (with swords and shields and other good war stuff) vs. THE DISEMBODIED EYE OF A HAWK.
IT’S NOT EVEN A FULL HAWK. IT’S JUST THE EYE OF A HAWK. HOW IS THIS EVEN A MASCOT.
Pick: MICHIGAN STATE SPARTANS
No. 10 North Carolina Tar Heels vs. No. 1 Clemson Tigers (-4.5), 8 p.m., ABC
A tiger -- one of the most vicious predators in the world -- facing off against a person whose heel is covered in tar. It is easy enough for tigers to viciously destroy humans. Now this human is impaired because their foot is all sticky and they can’t run away as fast as they would like. Not even close.
Pick: CLEMSON TIGERS
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