One thing to know about each player likely to be a 2016 NFL Draft 1st-rounder

Hi, it’s NFL Draft day. It’s time for college football to give away its beloved and minimally compensated children. As we say goodbye to them, let’s also let NFL folks know about the new guys who are on the way.

Based on the final mock draft by SB Nation’s Dan Kadar, here’s something to know about each likely first-rounder. Maybe more than one! Life is like that sometimes.

Why is he the favorite to go No. 1 and the presumed subject of an RGIII-sized trade up by the Rams? I do not know, but scout folks clearly like him. His fellow air raid QBs have almost all washed out of the NFL, and nothing in his numbers suggests he’s a sure thing like, say, Andrew Luck ... or even that far above an average QB in this class. Let’s appreciate that he was a top-20 QB recruit who helped turn around Cal, though.

(For what it’s worth, Cal first-rounders have tended to pan out really well over the years. It’s worth nothing.)

Those same numbers raise big worries about Wentz as well; shouldn’t he have been way more accurate and efficient at the FCS level? It’s easy to feel like he’s just up here because he’s big, which is funny, considering how small he was as a high schooler. That’s half the reason he ended up at FCS North Dakota State, a school your team should never, ever play.

If NFL teams weren’t convinced against all recent evidence that a team needs an elite QB to win a Super Bowl, this guy would likely be the No. 1 pick. He’s looked like a Pro Bowler since high school, but doubt remains about whether he’s the best OT in this class. (If anyone says he has Character Concerns because of some NCAA crap, just laugh, as the NFL is.)

He says he’s the “best player” in this class, and nobody’s gonna argue against him all that strongly. He’s an especially crazy athlete who’s mastered playing the entire secondary. Still wild to think FSU made the Playoff with a defense consisting of basically Ramsey and a ton of injured guys and backups.

Was Bosa already worthy of a top-10 pick a year ago? Is he even top-10 now? Is he this draft’s best player? It’s funny that the player we all agreed on the most ended up being one of the most controversial, but that’s the Draft for you. In important matters, Bosa’s family includes multiple various past and future NFL players and a Chicago mob boss nicknamed by Al Capone.

One retired NFL defensive end argues he’s this draft’s best offensive lineman.

Drafting Pac-12 pass rushers is always scary, based on history. Buckner was the only thing going right on the Ducks’ defense last year, and Stephen White likes him, though. And he’s got those humongous-ass hands.

This dude’s position should just be Football Player, because he did every football thing successfully at some point in his college career. Except, like, punting. He’s not super fast, but that’s never been his game.

Let us treasure that time he danced immediately before and after an interception during a huge upset win.

Tall and pretty good at a lot of things. Yep.

I will now convince you that you should draft Robinson by showing you one photo of him.

Thank you.

So good at defensive tackle, watching Louisville line him up at defensive end might annoy you.

My personal favorite first-rounder, even though drafting a running back this early remains questionable. Here are a few jobs Zeke can capably handle for your pro franchise:

Might be tumbling due to injury, I guess proving Jim Mora ultimately right-ish? Never forget that he was also once a good enough running back to win Pac-12 rookie of the year on both sides of the ball at once.

Stephen:

He’s a mauler type of run blocker who likes to give defenders a li’l extra something something at the end of the play if possible. Nothing dirty, he looks to leave a man flat on his back like a cockroach before the whistle blows if possible.

And I can dig it! That’s normally the kind of “scrappy” mentality that you see from future guards rather than tackles.

By law, an Alabama defensive tackle must go right in the middle of the first round.

He’s billed as the ultimate anti-spread linebacker, which sounds pretty good.

Hoo boy. The short version: the No. 1 recruit’s Ole Miss signing felt like a complicated miracle, and he proved himself on the field (despite raising questions about his effort level). He’s considered a risky pick mostly because (A.) his brother got in a lot of trouble and (B.) this one bizarre incident. However, he says he wants to invest part of his first contract in a pet panther, so I’m not worried.

Much, much more here on Big Bob.

He’s really tall. That he comes from a mid-major shouldn’t worry anybody, and this is probably the right spot to start drafting QBs in this draft class.

By law, an Alabama linebacker must be selected by the 25th pick.

(Stephen thinks he’s this draft’s best receiver, and the numbers make the case that he’s the most complete.)

Here’s the eyeball evaluation of Fuller: he’s fast, and not much else!

Here’s the stat evaluation of Fuller: he’s fast, and not much else!

A very good player is now to be known as The Player Who Can’t Cook, According To 2016’s Most Pathetic Anonymous Scout, which should mean a solid endorsement from a fast food chain soon, so good for Eli.

(He was also the player whom the Falcons said some super dumb stuff to. Just stop saying stupid crap to and/or about Eli Apple for a while, everyone.)

He elected to star at LA Tech rather than enter the mix somewhere in the SEC, and that turned out to be a smart idea.

Wasn’t even first-team all-conference in a mid-major league, partly due to interceptions being the only stat most people are able to judge CBs by. Life is hard.

It’s wild to think how good Ohio State could’ve been if Spence hadn’t gotten booted, as Stephen says he might be the year’s best edge rusher. Still, Spence and Wentz should combine to make this maybe the biggest FCS draft ever.

Oh, right, Clemson has yet another monster defensive end who isn’t Shaq Lawson or Vic Beasley.

The year’s official Quarterback Everyone Hates For Extremely Vague Reasons is somehow also the year’s Quarterback Who Just Wins. You are going to be soooooooo sick of hearing about Connor Cook like four years from now.