Hello, it’s July 4th, and hopefully you will at some point eat a hot dog while feeling extremely festive. One of the best Fourth of July traditions is the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, which airs on ESPN each year. This year’s favorites include Joey Chestnut on the men’s side, and Miki Sudo on the women’s.
12 college football head coaches who should show up at the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest
Who do you think would win?
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Naturally, I decided to come up with a list of college football coaches I’d love to see in this contest.
Jim Harbaugh: Since this is a competition, he’s way too into it, but loses due to walking away from his plate for a full minute to argue with an official.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 8
Urban Meyer: Hearing Harbaugh will be in attendance, he makes a last-minute appearance. He eats precisely one more dog than Harbaugh, making him 4-0 against his rival.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 9
Ed Orgeron: Da Coach O is no stranger to expressing his love for food. He’s talked about his favorite gas station chicken on a stick, and he once helped himself to red beans and rice from a recruit’s mother’s fridge. My guess is Orgeron could go HAM on some hot dogs, folks.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 25
Mike Leach: He’d show up, but he’d just goof off on Conspiracy Theory Twitter the whole time. He does have a three-minute story for you about hot dogs, though.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 0
Larry Fedora: Coach wouldn’t participate. It would ruin his six pack.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 0
Mike Gundy would bring his own hot dogs, which he made himself using meat from a recent hunting trip, rendering him disqualified.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 0
Dabo Swinney: Brings his own guts — literally — as a couple hot dogs come back up.
Projected hot dogs: 22 or 20, depending on how you count it
Lane Kiffin: Strolls in late and eats just three hot dogs, pointing out that that’s the same number of wins he had in three years against Tennessee as Alabama’s offensive coordinator.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 3
Jimbo Fisher, having only eaten brisket and Whataburger since moving to Texas, does well in the meat-eating contest. He doesn’t win, but already has a trophy for when he finally does, just like the one Texas A&M gave him.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 12
Herm Edwards shows up thinking this is a recruiting camp. But he’s competitive, gosh darnit, so he eats some anyway.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 7
Brian Kelly blames the brand of the buns for his performance.
Projected hot dogs eaten: 4
Nick Saban finds a loophole and hires Galactus, Devourer of Worlds, to compete in his place.
Projected hot dogs eaten: Trillions
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