Bunker Rake: Peter Senior takes it to the young whipper-snappers

Just in case you were more concerned with Johnny Football winning the Heisman Trophy than watching exciting European golf at 2 am, here’s what you may have missed.

- Peter Senior becomes oldest player to win Australian Open - And doggone it, he looked good doing it! Peter Senior, 53, is one of the few golfers who was able to win a golf tournament while also living up to his surname. Other notable players include Johnny Plaid, Robert Flatulence and the memorable Felix Enlarged-Prostate.

Don’t you just love it when older golfers find a way to persevere among those darn snot-nosed kids in their sport? Youngsters have no regard for their elders, what with their flashy clothes, flat-brimmed hats and all that hippin’ and hoppin’. Golf was meant to be played by grumpy old grey-haired men who wear sweaters the color of their old souls; not bright parking cone orange or confetti-patterned slacks. Bullocks!

- Charl Schwartzel wins by 11 freakin’ shots - Was the Thailand Golf Championship even a real tournament? I’m sorry, but the question has to be raised when Charl effing Schwartzel wins anything by 11 shots. His final score of a 25-under par 263 at the Amata Spring Country Club is not only incredible, but it made the South African appear like a major championship winner. Oh, wait... he won the Masters. Weird.

-Rory McIlroy wins something else - This time McIlroy won the European Golf Writers trophy, according to an announcement Monday morning. That’s funny; I didn’t know Rory was a golf writer. I knew he split most of his time among winning golf tournaments, beating Maria Sharapova in one-point tennis matches and destroying the One True Ring, but writing about golf while playing golf is impressive. Is there really anything this kid can’t do? I half expect him to start fighting crime. (Note: Rory McIlroy is not a golf writer, but he’d probably be better at it than me)