Rory McIlroy, Phil Mickelson have to step up their games at Quail Hollow

So, gents, the ladies are kicking your butts and, unless Anthony Kim sweeps into Charlotte for a dramatic return from his apparently self-imposed exile from the PGA Tour, the boys in Ponte Vedra would really appreciate it if Rory McIlroy and Phil Mickelson could somehow stage a Lexi Thompson-Michelle Wie-type shootout at Quail Hollow this week.

To recap: Since Tiger Woods last displayed his Sunday sartorial scarlet on March 9, “top 5” golfer Patrick Reed became a legend in his own mind, Bubba Watson won his second green jacket in relative secret, Matt Kuchar holed a bunker shot for a W, and some other guys’ life-changing victories barely registered with fans on golf’s Richter Scale.

At the same time, Mickelson added a missed cut at Augusta of all places and a withdrawal (Valero Texas Open) to his previous MC (Honda Classic), WD (Torrey Pines), and otherwise lackluster start to his 2014 season. McIlroy, meanwhile, playing a healthy Tiger-like limited schedule, has not stepped up to fill the Nike TW ’14 flippers temporarily vacated by the world No. 1.

Though the two-time major champion finished an otherwise meh Masters at T8 and has three additional top-10 results in six starts this year, the formerly top-ranked player had his second Honda Classic title within reach until his final-round collapse (perhaps fortunately overshadowed by Woods’ WD in the finale).

In contrast, the LPGA, behind exciting triumphs by Lexi Thompson, Michelle Wie, and Time’s 17-year-old most influential golfer Lydia Ko, sent tremblers throughout the game and had many wondering what earth-shattering drama the golf goddesses had penned for this week’s Lexi-Michelle redux.

Whaddaya say, men? Rory, Lefty? You guys up for a little match play come Saturday and Sunday? The superstars have opposite draws for the first two rounds, so any head-to-head showdown between the two will have to wait until the weekend.

Mickelson, who’s making his first start since bombing out of the Masters early for the first time since 1997, hopes to better last year’s Wells Fargo third-place finish. He will take on his 2013 U.S. Open nemesis Justin Rose and Lee Westwood on the first tee Thursday at 1:25 p.m. ET.

McIlroy, looking up at the top 10 in the world for the first time since the end of 2010, can only hope to equal the final-round, 18-hole course-record 62 he fired on his way to winning the event in 2010. He’ll go off the 10th tee on Thursday at 8 a.m. ET with 2012 Wells Fargo winner Rickie Fowler and Jonas Blixt.

Of course, if commissioner Michael Whan could type the next chapter for his tour, by the time Lefty and the Ulsterman have a chance to spark any closing fireworks, Wie and Thompson will be lighting it up in another headline-grabbing extravaganza of their own in Dallas at the North Texas LPGA Shootout.

As for Anthony Kim, the run-away winner of the 2008 Wells Fargo event who holds the 72-hole course record (272 in ’08) -- like Tiger Woods -- is not walking through the clubhouse door any time soon. The mercurial former wunderkind who seemed to burn the candle at both ends until possibly flaming out has not played on tour since withdrawing from the opening round of the 2012 contest at Quail Hollow.

While Kim’s agent did not clear up the mystery of Kim’s disappearance for John Hawkins earlier this week, he did assure the GolfChannel.com writer that his client, at least, was “not living under a bridge [or] in a box.”