Bubba Watson calls himself ‘nuts,’ offers services as a ‘mental coach’

Bubba Watson, who’s been known to pull a nutty or two on the golf course, says he would leave the game before hiring a mental coach. In fact, the two-time Masters champion believes everyone has it all wrong when it comes to his notorious volatility and concludes that his calling may be as a sports psychologist.

“I think y’all have it backwards. I’m obviously the calm one,” Watson said Tuesday about the widespread perception that captain Tom Watson made Webb Simpson one of three wild-card picks for the U.S. Ryder Cup team so the 2012 U.S. Open winner could keep his mercurial buddy on an even keel.

Watson, meeting the press ahead of this week’s Tour Championship, the fourth and final FedEx Cup playoff game to take place in a four-week period, set the record straight about how he spurred Simpson on during the 2011 Presidents Cup.

“Webb was playing really well, won two tournaments in like three weeks [the Wyndham and Deutsche Bank Championships],” Watson recounted about the trip down under to Royal Melbourne. “We’re the first match out, we’re down like 2 down through 4 [to Ernie Els and Ryo Ishikawa].”

At that point, Watson began stroking Simpson’s ego.

“I pulled Webb aside, and I said, ‘Webb, look, man, you’re eighth in the world,’ and I said, ‘You’re the eighth-best player in the world’ … so let’s look at it from that perspective: half of those people are from Europe so they’re not on the Presidents Cup team. So now you’re fourth or fifth in the world,’ and I said, ‘Tiger’s on our team, Phil’s on our team, so now you’re third, so you’re the third-best player in the world at this event,’” Watson cooed, before lowering the boom.

“I said, ‘So play like it; make some putts,’” Bubba said. “And I think he birdied like the next couple of holes.”

The conclusion from Watson, who, with Simpson as his partner, won three of the four matches they teamed up for, was obvious.

“Maybe I should be a mental coach,” said the clear fan of tough love.

Just don’t suggest that Bubba, who concedes his attention can, well, wander at times, hire himself the type of professional — who has become a required member of many a tour player’s entourage — to help train his mind, let alone his unique swing that delivers the longest drives on the PGA Tour.

“I have a great team around me. I have my caddie. I have my wife. I have my physical therapist. I have my manager,” Watson noted. “I have people around me that have been around the game enough. They know when I’m mental or not … So I think I won’t ever need a mental coach ... I’d quit the game before I do that.”

Watson touched on several other topics in his pre-event presser, including the hectic pre-Ryder Cup, season-ending tour schedule that has come under attack from the likes of Rory McIlroy, Phil Mickelson, and Henrik Stenson. As far as Bubba’s concerned, yeah, “it does get congested,” but the big boys playing for big bucks should just suck it up and play through it.

“This is what we do for a living,” Watson said. “We all get energized when we get to this tournament. We all get energized trying to take home $9 million; kind of energizes you. I don’t know if you’ve ever had that chance. So I think I’d be energized if I win it. It is a tough stretch, but at the same time we’re all athletes here, aren’t we? We’re all golfers.”

And don’t look for Bubba to change his routine ahead of the Ryder Cup, either. Indeed, the only idiosyncrasy between getting ready for the biennial matches and any other golf tournament is in the details — like how much lingerie he’ll need overseas.

“The only difference I see in the Ryder Cup preparation is packing my suitcase, because all my clothes are going to be over there,” said Watson, who will don the regulation USA uniform. “All I got to pack is my underwear, I guess, my underwear and my socks.”

Because there’s apparently no such thing as TMI, one inquiring mind wanted to know exactly how many pairs of boxers or briefs the world’s sixth-ranked golfer would bring with him.

“I’ll be there seven days,” said Watson. “I’ll pack five and flip two of them around.”

Oh, and Watson did divulge the real reason he would never hire a mental coach.

“I’m nuts,” he said. “They’d quit their job.”

Ted Scott’s boss may have a point.