No but really.
Don’t Worry Guys, Steven Seagal Has The Border Under Control
Border bandits in far West Texas may want to brush up on their martial arts and film presence now that action film star Steven Seagal is coming to town. Seagal, 59, was sworn in this week as the Hudspeth County Sheriff’s Office newest deputy. The sheriff’s office said he’ll be working full time to help secure the U.S.-Mexico border. Seagal called the department himself about two months ago asking for the job.
The thing about Steven Seagal is... He’s like Chuck Norris, but a thousand times awesomer. And for the record, there’s a movie script here.
Steven Seagal begins the film working as a humble deputy patrolling the border, when he meets a beautiful young Mexican girl who is flirting with him from across the border. Then one day she gets kidnapped by a Mexican drug cartel, and Seagal finds out she’s the Mexican president’s niece.
So then Seagal goes rogue so that he can infiltrate the cartel, get the president’s niece back, and assassinate the cartel’s jefe. It all culminates in Ciaudad Juarez, when Seagal crashes through a window at the jefe’s mansion while the jefe is having dinner. Seagal then stabs him in the face with a fork, makes out with the President’s niece. Boom. Roll credits, Steven Seagal song plays.
The best part, of course, is that all of this could totally happen in real life.
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