‘Tell Us Your Totino’s Tale’

↵Does anyone not love The Onion?

↵↵Shocked by the sheer volume of depressing videos submitted to their Tell Us Your Totino’s Tale campaign, employees at the pizza-roll manufacturer announced Tuesday that they are rethinking their recent user-generated marketing initiative.

↵“In retrospect, perhaps it would have been better for us to have simply gone ahead and told the Totino’s story ourselves like we always have,” marketing manager Joelle McCaffrey said Friday as she motioned toward a laptop displaying the dozens of sad, mildly disturbing videos she’s been forced to watch over the past two weeks. “In each of the clips I’ve seen so far, everyone was greasy or sweaty. Seven of them mentioned they love pepperoni but didn’t have a lot else to say, and at least four said our pizza rolls are the only thing they look forward to each day...”

↵↵(For the record, though: French Bread Pizza > Bagel Bites > Pizza Rolls.)

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