Walrus falls asleep on submarine, becomes sports hero

What we have here, pardon the jargon, is a classic case of Walrus Asleep On Submarine. This may be a thing that Russian sailors encounter all the time, but it is rare in these Internet climes. That unfamiliarity, as much as the fact that this is a big goofy walrus sleeping on a submarine, presents something of a challenge when it comes to assessing the question of whether or not this is sports.

We see all the best and most valuable attributes of a sports-animal: utterly opaque and unreasonable willfulness, a deep and unshakeable lack of self-consciousness, precise and elegant execution of a very goofy goal. Add to that a level of sleepiness so profound as to approach the poetic. It certainly looks like sports.

But also it looks like a walrus asleep on a submarine. It’s close, honestly, it’s very close. So we’re going to put our finger on the scale somewhat. Let’s go ahead and make this sports.