Welcome to the SB Nation haunted house

A large wrought-iron gate atop a hill is cracked just enough to let people through single file. It’s emblazoned with a large “S” and “B” almost like it’s been here for decades, but the old Winstead house was lived in until just a few years ago. Dimly lit torches guide you to the ornate wooden front door, the light kisses the door ever so slightly before withdrawing and shrouding it in darkness.

The door swings open, but nobody’s there. You take a step in and a figure emerges from the shadows. “Welcome ... welcome! We’ve been waiting for you!” The outstretched, gnarled hand of the guide longs to grasp your shoulder, but you pull back. He winks, then turns away.

“It’s so nice to have visitors,” the guide says. “We don’t get them very often any more. I’d love to show you our house.”

He picks up an old candle with a drip guard. One of those things you only see in Victorian novels. He motions for you to follow him down a long hall.

“This is my eldest’s room. He’s a little loud, but pay no mind.”

You push the door open quickly and hear a blood-curdling yell.

The door slams shut and you admit that surprised you a little. Every good haunted house has at least one jump scare and it got you. Before you can recover the guide presses on, stopping at the next door.

“This is my second son’s room. He had an accident long ago and hasn’t been the same since. Poor child is too clumsy for his own good.”

It’s almost impossible to suppress your laughter, but you must -- knowing it wouldn’t be received well. Moving down the long hall towards a light at the end, is this the end already? There’s a closet on your right, at least you think it’s a closet. Then ...

The guide starts laughing and you run. You run as far away from Ashley Wagner as possible. It felt like you ran a mile, but the hallway doesn’t look any shorter and the guide is somehow in front of you again.

“I’m sorry, did she scare you?” He lets out a laugh. Then picks his nose again.

An old kitchen is in front of you. Peeling linoleum and spoiled food everywhere. A man is quietly sipping a beer at a table, his back turned. He then spins around and screams “DR. BO!”

Running back the way you came two monsters jump out. Macabre smiles cover their faces. You want to look away, but you can’t.

Suddenly you want the guide to be close to you again. He’s disgusting and weird, but oddly comforting. The thought leaves your mind and he appears, resuming the tour.

“Please be quiet in this next room. It’s the baby’s and you wouldn’t want to wake him.”

Those eyes, that face. It’s all so horrible. You grab your friends by the arms and pull them outside. Immediately outside the front door there’s a small child, the scariest thing you’ve seen yet.

You shove the child out of the way, desperate to leave the twisted house behind. Running as fast as you can down the long drive back to the gate and safety. Something rustles in the bushes and springs out ...

Looking at it would be too terrifying. Finally you make it to the gate, but it appears locked. You struggle to pull it open with your friends. Above you there’s a strange sound. It ... it sounds like ... flapping?!