People keep punching Mr. Met in the junk

I want you to answer the following question without thinking, as quickly as you can:

Is Mr. Met a real person?

Your first response might have been something like this: Of course not. Don’t be stupid. He’s fictional.

Except that’s not exactly right. There’s a real person with real feelings wearing that foam suit. Rolling Stone spent some time with him, and it’s worth remembering that real people with real feelings often have real gonads, too.

Once in a while, things get out of hand. “People will try to hit Mr. Met in the privates,” one of his handlers tells me.

They also try to touch his head a lot, according to the article. But focus on the idea of a grown man punching a anthropomorphic baseball in the junk. That seems like something the regular courts don’t have the capacity to handle. We’ll need a special tribunal, there. Please do not hit Mr. Met in the junk.

Dinger is fair game, though. Preferably with a wrench.