I like baseball. Baseball is good. Do you like baseball? Let us talk about the ways we all like baseball.
288 things I like about baseball
Baseball baseball baseball. I was going to do 1,000 of these, but then I realized there was baseball on television, so I stopped.
Here are 288 things I like about baseball. Please add your own in the comments.
- Eephus pitches
- Hitters who start walking back to the dugout before the third strike is called
- When a pitcher gets set, and you can check the out-of-town scoreboard in the background
- Laughing at other teams' fans when they cheer for a medium-deep fly ball
- Vin Scully
- When you get mad at a strike call, and the fancy new technology reminds you that umpires are still probably better at this than you are
- Feeling superior to an umpire when he obviously blows a call
- The Phillie Phanatic spraying the crap out of people with silly string
- That one time every season when an intentional walk gets screwed up and goes to the backstop
- Laughing at other fans when they boo a lengthy sequence of pick-off throws. What's the other team supposed to do? Entertain you unconditionally?
- Booing the visiting team after a lengthy sequence of pick-off throws
- Three-pitch innings
- Walk-off wins
- Norichika Aoki taking more pictures
- Catchers throwing runners out from their knees
- Knuckleballs that don't spin
- An outfielder throwing through to home plate, with the crowd ooohing and aaaaahing, even though the runner held up at third
- The glove flip from a second baseman to a shortstop when the bases are empty because it's the only way the team can get the out at first
- Right fielders throwing out runners at first
- Triple-digit fastballs
- Sub-90s fastballs from someone like Chris Young making hitters look silly
- 3-2 counts
- Perfect hook slides that just evade the tag
- Balls that leave the stadium completely
- 14-pitch at-bats that make you cheer like a loon for foul balls
- Back-door sliders for called strikes
- When LOOGYs make established left-handed hitters look like cricket players swinging a baseball bat for the first time for a reality show
- Dingers that clornk off the foul pole
- Billy Hamilton on first base
- Thinking about the grand slam before it happens
- Fans booing the snot out of another player right before he does something good
- Wondering if the team will get a hitter's first career home run ball back
- Bartolo Colon stretching out a double
- Reading about an old-timey player you've never heard of
- Arguing about All-Star Game selections
- Watching the All-Star Game and thinking, "I can't believe I argued about All-Star Game selections"
- Runners who look like they got in a fight with a pile of dirt before the first inning is over
- Third basemen charging infield nubbers and bare-handing a throw
- Successful stolen bases on pitchouts
- Diving, sprawling catches
- Cameras hovering on parents watching their kid's first major league game
- Hit-and-run plays that work perfectly
- Grounders that hit off the bag and shoot away from the fielder
- Perfectly positioned center field cameras
- Hitters watching home runs that don't leave the park
- Getting the trivia question right between innings
- Watching batting practice
- Grown men acting like fools and setting each other's feet on fire
- Umpires calling belt-high strikes
- Watching your team score a run on a balk
- Two-seamers curling back over the plate
- Hitters without batting gloves
- Throwing behind runners rounding the bag at third
- Throwback uniforms
- Specifically, the Padres wearing brown and yellow
- Nate Freiman standing next to Jose Altuve
- Watching Jose Altuve dominate a game with his bat, speed, and glove
- Free tickets that you weren't expecting
- Getting up early in the morning and realizing there's a baseball game on soon (West Coast only)
- Getting back from a night out and realizing there's still a baseball game on (East Coast only)
- The runner taking out a second baseman cleanly on a successful double play
- The sound of the crowd before the last out of a shutout
- Singles the other way
- Athletes tripping and falling down and going boom
- Knuckleballs that spin a little too much and just hang there
- Having a replay confirm a call you made with the naked eye
- Chalk flying up when a ball hits the foul line
- Bunts against the shift
- First-to-third
- Runners scoring from first on a double
- Letting popped bunts fall to get a double play
- Elimination games
- Company spokespersons looking nervous and uncomfortable on camera
- Shortstops booting a ball, recovering, and getting the runner at first
- Hitters getting hit by a pitch and pretending it doesn't hurt the entire time they're on the bases
- Players you've never heard of doing things you didn't know they could do
- Bobbleheads
- Getting a ball to the outfield on the first pitch with a runner on third and fewer than two outs
- Sacrifice bunts that are so good they become hits
- Thinking about something else when someone tries to tell you about his or her fantasy team
- Tins of shaving cream getting shoved in faces during post-game interviews
- Hitters who pause noticeably before roping a hanging breaking ball
- Home runs off the Western Metal Supply building
- Pitchers realizing they're the ones who have to catch a pop-up
- Blowouts where announcers start talking about whatever in the heck they want
- Fielders tagging runners with their mitts and holding the ball in their bare hands
- Andrew McCutchen playing baseball like he enjoys it more than you've ever enjoyed anything
- Working "Snodgrass's Muff" and "Merkle's Boner" into polite conversation
- Fielders waiting for bunts to go foul and don't
- Secretly enjoying the Home Run Derby
- Peppering everything you write with the word "dinger"
- Your team coming back from five-run deficits
- "No pepper" signs
- Rule 5 picks who can actually stick in the majors
- Your team knocking out the other team's starter after an inning
- Scoreboards that show pitch counts
- Awful calls that you can laugh about 22 years later
- Remembering that you live in the future and can watch baseball games on a phone the size of a cassette
- Foul balls hit so far, fans mumble and oooooh
- Having opinions about how an 18-year-old high school kid is going to play baseball when he's 27
- Catchers blocking 55-foot curveballs on pure instinct
- First-pitch curveballs to steal a strike
- Players stumbling up Tal's Hill without getting hurt
- Awful ceremonial first pitches
- Applauding players who used to be on your team
- Getting upset at old writers who one-sentence-paragraph dumb things about Yasiel Puig
- Runners sliding over second or third base and getting tagged out.
- Watching Yasiel Puig do anything
- Leadoff home runs
- Listening to fans down the left-field line moan about a strike call when fans down the right-field line seem pretty cool with it
- Players tweeting incredibly stupid things
- Suicide squeezes
- Line drives just down the line, past a diving third baseman
- The wild eyes of an angry Carlos Gomez
- Side-armed relievers
- Two-hour games when you're in the mood for a two-hour game
- Extra inning games going so long, they become dadaist art
- Four-hour games when you're in the mood for a four-hour game
- Stirrups
- Drunk fans loudly explaining baseball strategy as if they're the only people to ever really watch a baseball game before
- The panic of batters who don't get time called when they ask for it
- Watching a fast player run out of the box on a ball hit into the gap
- Josh Collmenter throwing over the top like a weirdo
- Spending a good five minutes looking at a box score the next day
- Managers absolutely freaking out in the middle of an argument
- Overreacting to Opening Day losses
- Four-game sweeps
- Balls hit so hard, they go through the shift
- Catchers who can run well
- Andrelton Simmons making a routine play
- Andrelton Simmons making you have an out-of-body experience
- Unbeatable closers getting beaten
- Fielders running into walls or fences without getting hurt
- Bat flips
- Position players pitching
- 5-4-3 double plays
- Players winning awards who deserve them
- Unwritten rules
- Umpires taking a little extra time to get the ball back to the pitcher when a catcher gets dinged
- Signature home run calls from announcers you love
- Bad teams beating good teams
- Troy Tulowitzki staying healthy
- Pitchers and catchers covering their mouths with their mitts
- Singles that come after the player fails to get a bunt down
- Pitchers who throw to the backstop after a hitter gets time called late
- Being completely snobby because you're convinced you follow the best sport
- Play stopping because an animal is on the field. HERE KITTY KITTY
- Large, jiggly first basemen stretching like ballerinas to catch a ball a fraction of a second sooner
- Baseballs getting lost in ivy
- Batters who have no idea where they just hit the ball
- Nasty, filthy batting helmets
- The entrance music of your closer, which you know is kind of cheesy, yet gets you totally into the moment
- Balls that bloop in for a hit (my team only)
- Line drives that are caught (other team only)
- Tailgating
- Over-the-shoulder catches
- Kids with ice cream all over their danged faces
- Strike-em-out, throw-em-out double plays
- High fastballs thrown by hitters looking for high fastballs
- Fantasy baseball team names that are actually good
- Mine is Judas Alou, thanks for asking!
- But I also considered Fister Dobalina, Fister Bob Dobalina
- People in giant sausage costumes, racing
- Trade deadline rumors
- Trades
- Fans intentionally avoiding fair balls hit down the line
- Unironically loving a celebrity fan for your team that the rest of the world hates
- Players who can't ignore hecklers
- Wired bullpen phones in a wireless world
- Slow players leading off
- Pablo Sandoval hitting a ball at his eyes
- Players going into the stands for foul balls
- Mike Trout swinging and missing on purpose so no one suspects that he's immortal
- Line drives caught by the people protecting the relievers and catchers in the bullpen
- Hunter Pence existing
- Catchers tossing a bat out of the way, anticipating a play at the plate
- Pitchers who wear warmup jackets on the bases during a hot summer day
- Everyone on baseball Twitter complaining about the same thing at the same time
- Diving stops on infield hits that keep the runner at second from scoring
- Slightly injured stars coming off the bench as pinch-hitters in a crucial situations
- The slumped shoulders of a hitter who was called out on strikes
- Check swings getting called strikes by the first or third base umpires
- Pitchers getting busted for using pine tar
- Baseballs that you know are gone before the camera cuts to the next angle
- Wily veterans succeeding despite losing five miles off the fastball they used to have
- Bryce Harper wearing Norwegian black metal eyeblack because it annoys your dad
- Bats getting thrown into the stands and fans refusing to give them back
- Hitters swinging at baseballs that hit them
- Perfectly framed pitches getting called strikes
- Third basemen coming in to give the pitcher words of encouragement, as if the pitcher cares
- Back-foot sliders
- Batters looking back as if to say, "I tipped that," before realizing the catcher caught it
- Doubleheaders
- Runners getting thrown out on the bases like a nincompoop
- Fast runners tagging up against strong arms
- The Marlins home run structure
- Pitchers hitting eighth
- Runners not barreling into catchers and murdering them
- Foul balls spilling jugs of Powerade
- Albert Pujols hitting a ball that reminds you of Albert Pujols
- Good bunts thrown down the first base line
- Pitchers getting the first pitch of the game in for a strike in the top of the first
- Everyone having hope on Opening Day
- Everyone having hope for the next season, at least, by September
- Even Phillies fans
- Random relievers from the bowels of the independent leagues turning into stars
- Perfect jumps from outfielders off the crack of the bat
- Changeups thrown to hitters looking for fastballs
- Baseballs that fall between three fielders
- People with uniforms and mitts on little stools, completely screwing up on foul balls hit down the line
- Hitters breaking bats over their knees
- Pitchers who don't turn around to watch a baseball leave the park
- Getting out of bases loaded, no-out situations without allowing a run
- Third base coaches jumping out of the way of line drives
- No-hitters
- The sad look of fans who have to return ineffective rally caps to their normal cap state
- Complete games with fewer than 100 pitches thrown
- Watching Jeff Samardzija and Clay Buchholz pitch on a 100-degree day on a 48-inch HD TV
- Triples
- Day baseball
- Foul balls back to the screen that make fans flinch
- Alex Rodriguez trolling you and your family
- Fielders losing fly balls in the sun with sunglasses on their head
- Fans making nice plays on foul balls
- David Ortiz acting like an untouchable badass because, well, he sort of is
- Emergency catchers
- That Big Mac Land still exists
- Grown men colliding
- Opposite-field home runs in huge ballparks
- Safety squeezes
- Fast runners hitting into double plays
- Long, slow, deep, soft, wet home run trots that last three days
- Outfielders bringing home run balls back
- Balls getting away from relievers in the bullpen and delaying the game
- Teams getting burned by no-doubles defense
- Joey Votto taking walks, dammit
- That one time every year when a player is called out on appeal for leaving too early
- Fluffy players beating out double plays
- People trying to touch Adrian Beltre's head
- Pitchers pointing in the sky toward a ball that's about to travel 400 feet
- Catcher's interference
- Third base coaches making dumb decisions and getting away with it
- Baltimore chops
- Pretending that hot dogs are edible
- Watching players get exactly what they need to hit for the cycle
- Closers with post-save routines that make opposing fans insane
- Runners scrambling down the third-base line on every pitch, then scrambling back
- Batters coming all the way back from an 0-2 to work the count full
- Random utility players being the hero for a day
- Terrance Gore coming in as a pinch-runner
- Unassisted double plays to end the inning
- A's fans being obnoxiously loud on TV
- That one time every year when you remember that Matt Holliday got a moth stuck in his ear
- Perfectly executed relay throws
- 65-year-old managers wearing pajamas with a logo on it and everyone pretending like it's normal
- Remembering that "Randy Johnson" is a really, really dirty name
- Players over 30 getting in the majors for the first time
- Players over 40 in the majors at all
- Games on the radio when you're driving
- Games on the radio when you're doing stuff in the garage or in the yard
- The fact that there's one sport that's almost better on the radio
- Fans throwing home run balls back
- The Green Monster
- Pickoff plays that work
- Holding runners to singles on balls hit off the wall
- Outfielders not moving as a home run sails over their head
- Shortstops that take their time and get the runner by a step, every danged time
- Wild pitches that carom right off the backstop, back to the catcher
- Pickoff plays at second that make the runner completely spaz out
- Players getting hit in the beans.
- Home runs sailing into the water
- People making postseason predictions and being totally serious about it
- Rundowns that fail
- Brushback pitches that are followed by doubles into the gap
- Teams lining up and being announced before the start of a postseason series
- Giancarlo Stanton hitting a baseball 470 feet
- A random pitcher hitting a baseball 400 feet.
- Aroldis Chapman's fastball
- Clayton Kershaw's curveball
- Kenley Jansen's cutter
- Craig Kimbrel's slider
- Masahiro Tanaka's splitter
- Felix Hernandez's changeup
- Madison Bumgarner's slutter
- Chris Sale's everything
- Crack of the grass
- Smell of the bat
- Baseball baseball baseball baseball baseball
