Blake Griffin wrote his account of what it was like to be holed up in Houston trying to convince DeAndre Jordan to stay with the Clippers. Perhaps the most interesting part of his piece for The Players’ Tribune was the existence of a snitch. Not just any snitch, but a chicken snitch.
Blake Griffin’s tale of the DeAndre Jordan lockdown includes a CHICKEN SNITCH
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
When I got back to the house, we were sitting around waiting for 11 p.m. so DeAndre could officially sign. That’s when someone read a tweet that shook us to the core.
“Yo ... Hold up. How do they know we’re eating Raising Cane’s?”
Raising Cane’s is a delicious chicken restaurant. As it turns out somebody snitched on what the house was eating. Perhaps it could have come from the establishment, or an onlooker who saw an extremely tall person picking up bags of food -- but Blake Griffin had another idea:
How could they know something like that? We all looked around the room. The call was coming from inside the house.
Allegations flew around. Peoples’ phones were inspected. It was like the end of Reservoir Dogs but in a really tastefully designed living room with a bunch of dudes wearing sweatsuits.
Let’s be clear here: Griffin is a clown, and it would be PRECISELY his style to embellish some details for dramatic effect. Nonetheless we really hope it went down like this. We also learned that Steve Ballmer is the best boss ever, and why you should never, EVER leave your credit card with a bunch of professional athletes.
DeAndre’s mom picked up like 50 bags to feed all these people who were lounging in the house. Ballmer gave us his credit card and was like, “Alright, anything you guys want. Anything.”
Again, grain of salt, caveat emptor -- yadda yadda yadda, but 50 bags of food is an astonishing amount of chicken. Heck, let’s assume five of those bags were just napkins are cutlery ... that’s still over 200 pounds of chicken (assuming the average tensile strength of a standard plastic bag).
The moral of this story is simple: DeAndre Jordan’s situation was weird as hell, NBA players eat a ludicrous amount and Steve Ballmer is the kind of boss we all want.
SB Nation presents: DeAndre Jordan’s role in free agent movement
