This is one of the first things I saw this morning:
Why is Drake afraid to play in the NBA Celebrity All-Star Game?
You worried you gonna get dunked on by a Property Brother?
From the headline and image, i was led to believe Kevin Hart and Drake were playing in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game. After all, Kevin Hart plays in that thing every single year, and Drake is a young famous person from Toronto, where the game will be held this year. Cool! We get to see Drake play basketball!
However, I was sadly mistaken. Drake is actually coaching in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game. He’ll be in charge of the Canada team, which features tennis player Milos Ranoic, the Property Brothers from the TV show “Property Brothers,” and Win Butler from Arcade Fire. Incidentally, Drake was an “assistant coach” at the 2010 NBA All-Star Celebrity Game under Magic Johnson. He also coached in the “Best I Ever Had” video. He’s really moving up the coaching ladder.
I have to assume that the NBA asked Drake if he wanted to play in the game. I also have to assume that Drake decided this was beneath him.
So instead, he’s coaching.
NBA All-Star Celebrity Game coach is obviously not a very meaningful title. The game is only kinda sorta competitive, and there is no strategy involved.
Here are the coaching matchups in the last five Celebrity All-Star Games:
- Mike Golic vs. Mike Greenberg
- Bill Simmons vs. Jalen Rose
- Russell Westbrook vs. James Harden
- Kevin Durant vs. Dwight Howard
- Magic Johnson vs. Bill Walton
These fall into two categories:
1. ESPN personalities
2. Active NBA players
The first category is comprised of folks who are either unathletic or no longer athletic, and shouldn’t play basketball. The second category are players who shouldn’t be playing against Win Butler from Arcade Fire because they have actual basketball games to play in.
Drake is neither of these. He is a 29, muscular person* who has played basketball before.
Why you scared, Drake? What thing are you worried about happening in the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game that couldn’t happen to you? Every year celebrities make fools of themselves in this game, and nobody thinks any less of them. What are you afraid of, Drake? Are you scared you’re gonna get dunked on by a Property Brother? What’s the worst thing that you could do that would ruin your reputation?
Oh, yeah:
Maybe it’s a good idea to sit this out.
*To be fair, Drake did undergo surgery in 2009 after tearing three ligaments in his knee while performing a show, so it’s possible that was part of his decision. But when you’re up against the Property Brothers, there’s simply no excuse.
