There are two things I know about deer from growing up in a suburban town.
This deer crashed through a gym window to teach humans how to work out
Step 1: Lifting is bad.
- They will eat all of the plants at the front of your house and also have the nerve to stare as you pull into your driveway — as if they’re saying, “Who is this bozo interrupting my meal?”
- They are very bad at crossing the street.
Now, I’ve learned a third thing: Deer make excellent fitness instructors.
Deer dashes into South Carolina Gold's Gym, leaps over some weights before completing its quick two-minute workout. https://t.co/S0lYeWaDYt pic.twitter.com/PFO8e2rOAj
— ABC News (@ABC) December 19, 2016
This very excellent workout video, which was filmed and produced at a Gold’s Gym in South Carolina without permission, teaches us silly humans that we’ve been using gyms incorrectly for years:
- Windows are not for looking through.
- Windows are used to demonstrate feats of strength by smashing through them with your entire body. No pane, no gain.
- Forget speed ladder drills.
- Instead, stumble through the leftover glass shards and hop a few counters before making a beeline for the weights.
- Weights and bench presses are not used for lifting.
- And lastly, every day is leg day a la hurdling:
The gem of this video is the end, when all of the humans emerge from their hiding places (or places of naivety and ignorance) and follow the deer outside like zombies.
And don’t forget about the two dudes dapping. (Whoa! Free lesson!)
Now, I know this deer didn’t scan a Gold’s Gym membership card, which might be a cause for concern about his professional ethics. But let’s be real, if we could somehow go to the gym without paying exorbitant membership fees, we’d all do it, too.
Some of you might be thinking, this deer is not certified to be a fitness instructor. And to that, I say: Dear reader, you may be right.
Perhaps the only explanation for this behavior is that the deer blacked out. If so, he’s in for a surprise later when he wakes up, bleary-eyed, reaches for his deer-phone, and finds out what shenanigans he was up to last night.
