The idea of being drafted by an NFL team is exciting for a lot of reasons. It’s the fulfillment of a lifelong dream, first and foremost, but also you’re going to get a buttload of money. Like, a disgusting amount. What an athlete chooses to do with that money is usually awesome.
A guide to eating Taco Bell for the soon-to-be-millionaires in the NFL Draft
Trevor Ruszkowski-USA TODAY Sports
In the case of Grand Valley State’s Matt Judon, it’s really awesome:
“I like Taco Bell,” Judon said. “I mean, obviously I’ll have way more money than I’ll know what to do with, but while I’m pondering what I’m going to do with my money I’ll be eating a chalupa or something.”
Matt, I like where your head is at. As somewhat of a Taco Bell sommelier, let me offer a few words of advice:
- You can add rice to any menu item for 30 cents
- The above is not advised for soft tacos because that is an architectural nightmare
- Lava sauce never sticks around for long, so don’t miss out when you get the chance
- The Quesalupa is below average. I know you’re going to be rich now, but do not waste your money. Have you seen Broke? Don’t be another cautionary tale.
- Bang for your buck? Can’t beat a standard taco with some hot sauce on it
- Every smothered burrito takes at least two delicious years off your life
- Sometimes just sucking down a fire sauce packet between menu items really prepares your palate for whatever is coming next
- I gained 40 pounds freshman year of college
- The new paper bags make things harder to eat in your car, so practice on your couch or something first
- Cool Ranch tacos
