5 theories on how Nyquist the racehorse runs his own Twitter account

Kentucky Derby winner Nyquist sadly can’t run in the Belmont due to injury. It was a disappointing announcement following his loss in the Preakness, which ensured we wouldn’t see a Triple Crown in 2016. Now Nyquist is tweeting about his progress, and it’s raising questions.

There is an unalienable truth to these concerned citizens’ questions. A horse’s ability to use electronic devices is rudimentary at best. There are two key reasons for this:

1. Most racehorses are under five years old and lack the fine motor skills needed to type with accuracy.

2. They don’t have hands.

Here at SB Nation we know the pain of attempting to have a horse write for you. Last year American Pharoah gave us an exclusive interview we are still working with linguists to decode. This leads us to believe that someone, or some thing is helping Nyquist pen his tweets. Here are some theories:

Meet the “Horse Tweet 3000” ©. It’s designed to allow horses to tweet with the use of their two front legs. Allowing full range of motion and articulation, the “Horse Tweet 3000 ©” is the only horse-tweeting device on the market. I have an exciting business opportunity for you, the social media manager.

There are an estimated 9.2 million horses in the USA. So far they are only consuming hay and oats. Sometimes apples. What if they consumed your brands? With the “Horse Tweet 3000 ©” and a stable (horse joke) of famous Horsethletes waiting to be brand ambassadors, you could soon find your clients in the winner’s circle.

This is the next evolution of communication. Who wouldn’t want to receive texts from their beloved animals? The only concern is that this helps contribute to a wider uprising that one day conquers the world as we know it.

Raccoons are nature’s entrepreneurs. It makes sense that a rich horse like Nyquist would know how to diversify his brand and spread his message across platforms. It also helps that raccoons have small, human-like hands that were made for devious works.

Why yes, I am referencing a 28-year-old movie in 2016. Thank you for asking.

Seriously.