Cristiano Ronaldo is arguably attractive. The bronze statue of his bust that made the internet lose its minds this week? Hilariously terrible. It didn’t look like the soccer star at all!
We tried to make Cristiano Ronaldo statues, and it was really hard
Here’s what we came up with.
This reminded us of the time we here at SB Nation tried (and failed) to draw Tom Brady like a courtroom reporter, and wondered if we could make an even better representation of Ronaldo. It’s really the only way to honor one of the best soccer players in the world.
Here’s what we came up with, complete with explanations:
“So, here’s the thing. The only thing I ever really learned how to do from second grade art class was make muppet-lookin’ faces, so this interpretation of Ronaldo has a massive mouth, agape in wonder, which hey, might be how he looks if he’s upset about a call. I do feel like this particular model really captures the full majesty of Ronaldo’s magnificent hair, though.”
“Cristiano Ronaldo is half man, half abdominal muscles. Forget his athleticism, this is Ronaldo — all eight parts of him (you’re welcome). Like the original sculptor, my creation pales in comparison to the real thing, but unlike the sculptor, I spent about 2 minutes, 18 seconds on this bad boy. And let’s be real: I only made this version of him so I can plug our personality quiz “Which Cristiano Ronaldo ab are you?” At least, I got the color right.”
“I’ve never been an ‘art’ person. Or at least that’s what I thought, until this project was thrust upon me. As you can see here, I clearly have a knack for miniature model clay busts. As a sculptor with realism tendencies, I knew I wanted my bust to capture the Ronaldo’s pristine and quintessential soccer haircut, his sharp, Cillian Murphy-esque cheekbones and quizzical brows. With a few deft rolls and presses of my sky blue sparkly clay, I was able to sculpt a near-perfect likeness. If you don’t see me blogging anymore, just know I have left to chase my dreams in model clay work.”
“I came into this project with two goals: 1) use way more clay than anyone else and 2) use a color scheme that reflected Cristiano’s home country of Portugal. I succeeded in one of these two goals, but only because I was limited by the color palette available to me. But like most great artists of their time, I made the most of the limitations I was handed, and my work will likely remain unappreciated until my death. Also, I still think mine looks more like Cristiano than the original.”
“I don’t work in an office like these fancypants people, so I didn’t have access to real clay. I did find a clay sculpting simulator online that I didn’t understand how to use or stop it from being mirrored. The venom sacs on the side of his face are supposed to be his chiseled jaw.”
“I heard a moth flew in his eye once.”
Now it’s your turn. Grab some play-doh and show us your best Ronaldo statues!
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