9 sports animals that have proven they belong in the NFL

The NFL is often compared to gladiatorial combat by fans and promos alike. The two share a lot of similarities — athletes doing battle, cool armor, romanticized violence. But there’s one thing the NFL does not have that gladiatorial combat had in spades: Animals.

The animal kingdom has given us no shortage of incredible performances that prove animals belong in the NFL. This group could easily walk onto a field on Sundays and start for half the teams in the league.

This deer is idea for the modern NFL where speed is king. The 3-4 linebacker role is excellent because the deer needs a good free step before rushing the passer. Big thing over current NFL pass rushers is reaction time. This man barely stepped out of the truck before the deer took him out — which is excellent to react to the snap.

Every single quarterback in the NFL should be replaced with chimps. Well, that’s not true — it’s really this specific chimp. Immediately you can tell it’s got the right demeanor to play in the league as it postures and challenges the crowd. Then it manages to throw a perfect poop spiral right onto grandma’s nose.

The chimp didn’t show off all its skills, but a chimp is roughly twice as strong as a human. Great skill to shove off tacklers and escape the pocket.

If you need someone to clog up space in the middle then the perfect specimen is a reptile who will literally swallow the opposing nose tackle. Downside is teaching a snake to snap, but that’s a small issue relatively speaking.

People are naturally scared of snakes, even massive NFL defensive tackles. That’s a psychological edge that can’t be understated.

To play in the slot means being willing to do the dirty work, which this raccoon has shown it’s willing to do. Small and wiley, there’s not many tacklers in the NFL who could get a raccoon in the open field.

Ball security is a big part of the job, and this raccoon has already shown excellent grip skills by holding onto this garbage truck. Bright future ahead.

This pupper has the athletic skill to be a Pro Bowl gunner. Excellent athleticism to get up above the line and speed would ensure a lot of blocked kicks are punts.

Hops dog’s NFL future is really hurt by the changes to jumping over the line, but still has a skill set most coaches would covet.

You’ll often hear analysts say that a good running back needs to “run through a brick wall,” which is a metaphor for humans, but deer will literally run through a plate glass window to get in their reps. This hard-worker is exactly what the NFL needs and would be valued on any team.

Notice how the deer struggles to keep its footing after jumping through the window, but keeps ploughing forward. That kind of determination will be great at picking up yards after contact.

Ever seen Gronk make a ludicrous one-handed catch? That’s because of his size and leaping ability. Enter this dog, who can jump further than anyone in the NFL by a mile.

Video of this pup comes from Russian where it appears the dog was bred for jumping. Now it can leap straight into the NFL.

We just have to get this deer in open space and let it go wild. It might have required a big run up, but when it made contact it was over. That’s what we want to take on receivers in the open field and jar the ball loose.

Honest first round pick here and could start on all 32 teams in the league.

It’s been entirely too long since the NFL had a game-changing, dynamic returner. That changes with agile baby iguana. Look how it avoided the deadliest situation it will even encounter. Not put a ball in its hand and have some tacklers running towards it. It’s basically the same thing.

I’d go so far as to say this iguana would be Devin Hester and Dante Hall rolled into one. Hall of Fame potential here folks.

Any animals you think need to be added to make the league? Let me know.