Bison are not good at ice skating. There, I said it.
This ice skating bison proves that bison are not good at ice skating
Sorry, they’re not. It slid on its face.
James Dator has been covering a wide range of sports for SB Nation for over a decade, with a special focus on the NFL.
Honestly, I’m getting so sick of people coming up to me every day and saying “Bison are so graceful,” and I’m like “They’re really not, though,” and they’re like, “Yes they are. They’re amazing at ice skating and stuff.” It’s a ridiculous lie we’ve been perpetuating for too long.
Look, I know bison have specific skills and we should embrace those. They are big and majestic and when in a group they make a really good stampede. But they’re just not good at ice skating, and I think that’s OK. Humans are really bad at stampeding. The only time humans are good at stampeding is on Black Friday, and the rest of the time we slap numbers on them and call it a “marathon.”
No bison should be selected for the 2018 Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang. Except maybe in the bobsled because four bison in a bobsled would be fast as hell.
