We need to talk about Mr. Potato, the anthropomorphic sports potato from ‘Peppa Pig’

In the world of children’s programming there stands one bastion of sports and entertainment to rival them all — Mr. Potato. The vaguely French, anthropomorphic sports potato from Peppa Pig has been haunting me recently, and we must discuss him.

Mr. Potato is your friend and mine. We know this because it’s exclusively how he introduces himself in the third person every time he’s on TV in Peppa Pig. He hosts an exercise show that airs in the morning of the Peppa Pig universe, which somehow equally appeals to children and adults alike.

In short: Everyone loves Mr. Potato, also he drives a specially-designed clown car that was custom built exclusively to house Mr. Potato.

I ... don’t know. I know I don’t trust him. So look, anthropomorphism in Peppa Pig is a pretty loose concept. It’s one of the things I like least about the show. There seems to be inconsistent use of which animals get to walk and talk, and which are resigned to pets.

So somehow, in this confusing world where cats and tortoises are pets, Mr. Potato gets to exist. A living animal in our world is put into pet status, while a potato gets to be like a human. Not only be human-like, but be the most famous celebrity in the universe.

Mr. Potato is incapable of answering any questions about who, or more importantly how he is. In the seminal episode “Mr. Potato Comes To Town”, the entire city waits with bated breath for Mr. Potato to open a sports complex. The kids then barrage him with questions like “Why aren’t you the size of a normal potato,” which he just responds with “ummm.” Not even Mr. Potato knows why Mr. Potato exists.

I don’t like that he avoids questions. I don’t like how he has shifty potato eyes.

I also don’t know how I feel about his shameless self promotion. Every time he appears on TV he bursts into his spiel about how he’s “Your friend and mine,” speaking in the third person like he’s The Rock.

I DON’T KNOW! Everyone acts like he’s the biggest superstar in the world, despite him having no discernible skills. He just appears on TV, advocates exercise and tells people to eat vegetables — which is a whole other level of weird considering he is a vegetable. Mr. Potato is a self-loathing vegetable advocating for the devouring of his kin.

Daddy Pig worships Mr. Potato to such a level that he has a keychain of Mr. Potato. None of it makes any sense.

There’s some controversy over his quotes.

Not really. I just desperately needed an excuse to share this exchange from the comment section of the Peppa Pig wiki.

I have immense respect for adults who adhere to the dream of ensuring the accurate quotation of Mr. Potato on the internet.

He still creeps me out.